What do you do?

How do you reach out to a person whom you have not spoken with for years?

When you last spoke, none of you said good byes, yet neither took the first step to restart the conversation?

When you have tons of things to share and ask and get mad at, but are unable to get past the walls of prolonged periods of unexplained silence?

When you are not even sure if the other person will ever respond or not?

When you don’t want this conversation to be through phone or emails or chat but face to face because you want to see the clouds of emotions on that person's face?

when you know that the stars will never ever again align to put you two in the same space at the same time?

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You just let it out on a piece of paper, for hours !!

and then rip that apart into thousand pieces after a few days, after re-reading that conversation just to yourself thousand and one more times !!

What I did not say in the letter

What I did not say in the letter is that life is not so easy as your mom and dad make it appear for you. There will always be problems and things you do not like or want to do. What's important is how you tread your way through those waves and come out.

What I did not say in the letter is that winning or losing is not everything in life; what's more important is the experiences, the lessons, the people you meet on the way, how much fun you had on the way.Winning or losing is just the final outcome and it wont matter if you cannot value the whole process to get to that outcome.

What I did not say in the letter is that always be brave enough to speak up your mind. Always speak up. Do not hesitate for a second thinking what will they think. Because "they" will always think, no matter what. So have your voice and speak up.

What I did not say in the letter is that do not ever let anyone, not even me and your dad, make decisions on your behalf. You have a mind of your own. Make your own decisions. Learn to say No when you want to. When you start delegating your decisions to others, it starts small and pretty soon you end up not having a say in the bigger decisions of your life.

What I did not say in the letter is that almost all types of relationships will come and go in life. What will stay with you forever is the one you'll have with your sibling. Do not ever give up on this relationship. I see so much of myself and my brother in you and Aayush and I'll always make every effort and wish that you two are always there for each other.

There will be many many and many more life lessons from me but for now, this is all I wanted to say that I did not say in that letter.

Love  you

Confessions of a second time mom

Yes, I am back, sort of !! Can't say completely back to my world of blogging, since my li'l one is still very little. And I have miles to go before I am done with the again-trying-to-get-used-to schedules of midnight feedings, 5 hour sleeps and "where-did-my-whole-day-go" routine.

Now, that I am in my post-preg status, for all those ever-so-optimsitic readers of my blog (who still come to my blog hoping I'd write someday), I have some confessions to make.
(Now let me warn you, these confessions may be the result of all those hormonal mish-mash going inside me, so what I confess today may not be valid let's say a month from now)


a) Surprise, surprise, surprise...I am missing being pregnant.Yes truly, really I am. Despite all those back aches, leg cramps, every damn discomfort I had which my doctors very easily termed as this-is-normal-in-this-phase, I am missing it. I am missing those kicks, that flutter, that feeling of someone being inside me and me and just me being the one having her.


b) I have days when I feel really really guilty for my older kid. All of a sudden, I have noticed a lot of changes in him, the mature way he handled the coming of a new born in the house, the way he adjusted and welcomed the baby and is willing to share everything with her and the exclusive love he feels for her.
Despite all this, on the days when I am not able to give him the attention I used to give him earlier, I feel guilty and am overwhelmed with it.

c) This pregnancy has calmed me down in ways I never thought I could be. I used to be so restless, so angry at certain things in life. But all of a sudden I have this feeling of content and peace which I may not be able to express but I just feel inside.


d) I can survive without sleep, without taking shower for 3 days in a row, survive in a milk stained t-shirt till evening but I just cannot survive without COFFEE. Since I am nursing, so I am fighting every urge I have to eat the foods that can cause discomfort to my girl and coffee being one of them. But I miss it so much; the flavor, the aroma. I have stopped passing in front of a Starbucks store, just because that pleasant aroma and the environment kills me at this time.


e) Every time the grandma (my MIL) makes a comment that my little girl looks just like her son (my husband) or her daughter (my SIL), I'll silently nod along but repeat this to myself under my breath: "Nopes, she is just me in all respect!!"

This phase, time time is precious and will never come back in my life. So I am savoring each and every moment of it. The tiredness, the fatigue, the sleeplessness: all have taken a back seat.
The only thing that is killing me in the back of my mind is how will I go back to work. But that is the matter for another post, another day. Till then, enjoy this:

So we have an Indian restaurant in our area (in fact the only One in our area) and one of the servers there is very talkative and friendly to my son. He is not so good at Hindi, still he manages to speak some hindi to the Indian customers that come there. Two days before my delivery date, my husband was there to pick up some food. That server walks to my husband and asks: "Aap doosre baap ban gaye? (Are you the second father yet?)" when he actually wanted to ask "Is your second kid already here?"
My husband was laughing so hard, he only nodded No on his question and came out.
I still tease my husband as "doosre baap"

Just like that

Remember the reading challenge that I took up, here? One month already into the new year and I am done with just one book. But given the times that I have to do my reading, I am sure I'll catch up.


You can find my views on the book I read here. This is a new page I created to put all my book reviews in one place.

Other than that, a lot else has been happening in life.

Lots of work, school hunting for the kid; discipline lessons for him (he is getting ready to turn 5, which I guess is a completely new phase for them)

And dealing with alot of snow and cold. so much that I am already tired of it now.
Still, I can't believe we are already into February now.
It is the B'day as well as anniversary month for me

Kid is more excited about the B'day than me these days because he just looks forward to the cake.

On anniversary issue, it is a whole diferent story. This time when I went to India,I showed him a lot of my childhood pictures. So he was pretty amazed that her mom was not always the same. She was also a kid at one point and used to wear "baby" clothes !!

And then I showed him my wedding pictures. That's the part that made him really really upset.

How come mommy daddy decided to "do shaadi" without inviting Aayush?

When I told him that actually you were busy playing football with God up there, then his next question was "Well, then you could have waited for me. Am I not your Paalo betu (dear son)?"

Most of the times these days, I don't have an answer for his questions :-)

So, what's been happening at your end?

Finally

Finally, I have it.
Yes, the previous company has been informed, resignation handed over and am getting prepared for the new start.A new beginning, for which I had been waiting and working for the last one year.
This new opportunity gave me a new confidence and pride in myself.
This is something I promised to myself and I finally got it.
And while I am getting geared for the new place, I am also trying to wrap up my old projects.
So, work has been keeping me on my toes, but looking forward to what I am going for, it is all worth it
On the bright side, I still have 2 days of vacation to burn off this week itself.
So, the coming weekend will be a really long and relaxing weekend.

This and That

Life has been crazily busy, with lots of things going on
And with husband's frequent travels, I have been trying to manage it all, trying to make sure everything is in order, and in time, and I am still calm


But with a hectic job and a 4 year old, you know how it goes


Order gets replaced by chaos, being in time becomes an unaffordable luxury and me being calm under all this still remains a target to achieve.


Anyways, between all this, today I decided to take some time and volunteer at Aayush's school.We recently moved him to a Montessori school. And ever since, I have been all praises for his new school. I mean, the environment, the atmosphere, the teachers, their love and ways of guiding the kids, everything is just different and yet it all provides such an enriching and inspiring environment for the kids.
Aayush has been going there for only a month now and I can already see so much change in his ways - the way he interacts with us and other kids, the way he does activities at home.


So, every Thursday, the school teachers ask volunteers from parents to help them get craft and learning stuff ready for kids. It is all trivial stuff, but it helps the teachers a lot.


So I was there for the first time today. And I had about 2 hours to spare before I had to head back to my work for a mandatory training.
Here what all I did:


a) Traced an apple figure on cut paper cards. After tracing an apple for like 100 times, I am sure I can draw an apple with closed eyes now :-)
Later, they would ask the kids to cut along the shape.
b) Cut out 50 premeasured sheets for the kids to paint (and create mess) on the art easel.
c) Since their next week theme is  Apples and pumpkins, so I traced a lot of pumpkins on card stock paper and drew spooky faces and eyes on them.


It was a great fun and relaxing time for me. I got to interact with other moms too, one of whom turned out to the mom of Aayush's new best friend. and the conversation went like :Oh you are Quinn's Mom? Aayush talks about him everyday !!"
And then she goes "and you are Aayush's mom? Quinn wants to go with Aayush everyday"

All in all, it was great fun time. I think I am going to come back again pretty soon.

And did you read the much awaited Ayodhya verdict? I didn't read the full details, just the main points of the decision.


Hey, that's exactly the way my mom used to resolve the fight when me and my sisters used to fight over a single five star bar... just cut it into 3 pieces and give one to each one of us and all 3 were happy.
I wish this issue remains this simple

So, how have you all been? What do you all think about the verdict?

Some days are just good

Some days are just plain good, isn't it? When small things just add up to make it big for you? Yeah, it was just like that kind of day yesterday. And I am writing this all here so I can come back and read it on one of those days when it gets really really tough. Just to remind myself, it is not always so bad...

a) I am a morning person and like to get to work early and leave early. But since I am the one to drop my son to his daycare, my day at work typically starts a bit late. Yesterday, fortunately, Aayush's teachers at school, I guess, decided to take a break from kids(The school had Teacher's in-service day), so he was off from school and his dad decided to be a stay-at-home-dad for the day. So I was off to work quite early. And secured the very front parking spot and grabbed a hot breakfast from the cafeteria there.
Hmmm. total bliss.........

b) Then, at lunch time, dad and son gave a surprise visit at my work. And as per Aayush, just like I drop him at school, Mommy also goes to school. So he wanted to check everything at my "school"; what center I was working on (they have different centres in their class: writing center, computer center, building blocks center, draw and color center), who is Mommy's teacher and who is Mommy's best friend. So he took a tour of my entire workplace, greeted everyone with one big smile when everyone asked if he was a new trainee on job.
And then seriously instructed me to be good and take a nap after lunch !! Yes, that would be good :-)

c) Then, got home early and found dad and son playing the front yard with sprinkler and water. What else could anyone want on a hot summer Friday evening !! So we all played and soaked  for a while in the water. And then we were soon joined by Aayush friends from the neighborhood. They all had a blast and thankfully, my lawn also got watered in the process.

d) And then, at the end of the day, after dinner, we headed out for some icecream. While on our way, Aayush kept wondering why is the moon also coming along with us? Wondered if Moon also wanted a icecream cone and finally announced Moon will have to get his own cone because he is in no mood to share his icecream.
So, we topped off out day with a hot fudge icecream sundae.

All in all, little things made up the day for me. And you know, what final conclusion my dear husband reached at after all this:"See all your days can be like this if you decide to be a stay at office mom and me a stay at home dad"

Hmmmm.... Nice thought Mr hubby. Give me some more days like this and I may consider the offer after we discuss the complete terms and conditions  :-)

Once upon a time

Today, I want to tell a story, a story about some one I know and used to know. As you read the story, you'll know why I used the terms "I know" and "used to know".
Because as we know people, over time, people change and along with that, our perceptions about them also change. So, I will not begin by saying that all characters in this story are fictional and any resemblance is coincidental. because it is not.

So the person I knew, lets call her "S", I was very close to her and she was also fond of me (or at least I think so). So, my first impression of her was a very naive and well protected girl. After all, the youngest daughter in the family with 2 elder brothers, what else would you expect. I saw her struggling with grades,  overprotected by her mother on any and every tantrum she threw and nagged by her father on every small thing. So, my observation about her was that of a very mommy girl, with no mind or thinking of hers.
And as time passed, several other incidents kind of confirmed my observation and impression of hers.
I saw her eating food as per her mom's choice, selecting clothes as per her mom's choice, even making career and job choices as per her mom's choices.
May be there's no wrong in that, but the background I came from, I never needed my mom's permission to do things, I cared to inform her about what I was doing.

Anyhow, so coming back to her story, cut to the time and S is now at an age when parents  start looking for a match for the girl. So her parents also started the search. And like all girls object saying "I do not want to get married now, I want to wait" she also said that but I always thought that the first match her parents and brothers find for her, as long as her mother had an approval stamp on it, it will be a sure shot match and it will be "chat mangni pat byaah"

For a long time then, I got caught up with happenings in my own life and could not observe or care about a lot happening in her life. Finally, when I did get a chance to catch up, I was curious to know what happened to her and how her life turned out. And there I had the shock of my life.

I found out that she, one day, out of blue announced to her parents that she had already found a match for herself and she wanted to get married to only that guy and no one else.  
No, no... it was not a shock because of what she announced. I was shocked to see it coming from her and also shocked to see how the events unfolded them later. The guy she had selected was found to be of completely different caste than her own family. So in a way, her parents just decided to disown her if she did not leave that guy. But she was adamant on just one thing: Either him or no one else.

I guess, more than anything else, I was most surprised by the transformation I saw in that girl. I remembered that meek, not so confident and decided girl.
Was it time that changed her so much or was it love ?
I definitely think it is the later !!

After a complete episode of all sorts of bollywood style dramas and rona dhona, the parents finally gave in and now they are getting ready to tie the knot in near future.
As for me, I am kind of torn in my feelings. I am happy for her but not so happy at her choice. Don't get me wrong, I don' even care about the caste or the religion. It's just that when I met this guy for the first time, he just didn't leave "that" good impression. But, as they say
"Jab miya biwi raazi to kya karega kaazi"
So who cares, I am just an outsider, just watching and making observations
About things and people in life, as I see them
As I like/not so like them

Let's wish her all the very best in life :-)

Dil se