Aayush-isms

My "not so little anymore" son is at a age where he loves to talk and talk and talk and talk (you get the gist, right?)  and I often tell him "Beta, aap baatein to  bohot pyaari pyaari karte ho, lekin bohot saari karte ho "
Being a 2000 era boy, he hasn't seen the epic Sholay, so most of the time he doesn't get the humour !!
Anyways, so these days, anytime he talks, it is 50% logic (as he understands it) and other 50% is his imagination.
so, here are some of the Aayush-isms, as I say them, that I have noted:

a) We cannot move our house from current place to any other place because then Santa Clause won't know how to find him and that would be a "really big" problem. Oh wait, Santa Clause lives at the North Pole, so he can definitely see our new house from up there. So, it is now okay if we want to move to a different place (Thank you hai Santa Clause jee)

b) If it snows,mommy doesn't need to be worried or scared about driving in the snow because God will help us and save us. He knows that our car is blue and he'll help up because car is blue and snow is white. So he can see the car from up there in the sky too. He said all this to Aayush last night.  (Mommy thinks this is the effect of having a religion class at school every Wednesday)

c) So, he comes home and tells mom he did not like his lunch today so he threw it all. Helpless mom tries to explain him that by throwing food,he is wasting food and that is also wasting money.So if he wastes money, there would be no money for his toys anymore. And the reply comes "Don't worry !! I have tons of money in my piggy bank. So if you or daddy need some, let me know. and also, is it okay now if I throw away my lunch tomorrow again?" (and mom faints !!)

d) His very serious question: How come you chose daddy to get married to? Don't you have to choose someone you don't know to get married?
And my equally serious answer to him: "Actually, I did not know your daddy when I married him.I got to know him only afterthe marriage (me thinks: toooo late !!)"
To which he laughs out loud and says: "Well how could you not know daddy? You live in the same house. You pack him lunch, he brings groceries. You even have his phone number. I even saw in your "shaadi" pictures you two were laughing. So you DID know him. You are just tricking me!! Well, I am not going to get tricked by you"
And mommy decides to let him be tricked till he understands the tricky thing called marriage :-)

Well, I do need a crash course in imagination and creative thinking to keep up with my boy now.
But I am already back to basics of "aa gaba gaba" (blabbering baby talk) with my 6 months old trying her best to invent an altogether new language with her blabbers and coohs.
Every time I look at my angels and thank the one up there for blessing with these, these beautiful lines come to my mind:

Dekho inhein yeh hai onss ki boodein
Patto ki goodh mein aasamaan se khude
Angdai le phir karwat badal kar
Nazuk se moti hasde phishal kar

Yeh toh hai sardi mein Dhoop ki kirane
Uthre jo aangan ko sunehara sa karne
Maan ke andhero ko roshan sa karde
Thiturti hatheli ki rangat badal de

Jaise aankhon ki debiyan mein neediyan
Aur neediyan mein meetha sa sapna
Aur sapne mein mil jaye faristha sa koi
Jaise rango bhari peechkari
Jaise Thitliyan phoolo ki pyari
Jaise bina matlab ka pyaara rista ho koi

Dekho raaton ke sene pe yeh to
Jhil mil kisi lao se uge hain
Yeh to andiyan ke khushbo hai bhago se beh chale
Jaise kaanch mein chudi ke tukde
Jaise khile khile phoolon ke mukhde
Jaise bansi koi bajaye pedo ke taale

When did that happen?

Yesterday:


First day at the school
He said "Mom, I am super nervous"
I say "Aayush, There's nothing to be nervous about. Agreed it's a new school, but you have a new bag, new dress, new lunch box and you'll meet so many new friends and most of them you have already played with them a few times now (Thanks to some of the playdates some of the moms organised to ease new kids in the school)"
But even as I say these things to him, I am super super nervous for him
First because as I said, it was his first day
It was a change in the schedule also
His dad was also not here (had to travel)
and then I know my son, whenever he is upset, the first reaction his body shows is to throw up everything that went down his throat.
So I had decided to be fully prepared.
Didn't force him to eat even a bite more than whatever he wanted to eat
Packed an extra set of clothes for me and him
Packed some extra towels and a water bottle, just in case

Armed with the preparation, we set off from the home
The school is just 5 minutes from the house
Once we reached there, my heart (and not the mind) decided that I need to be cool and ease him into this phase
So , rather than taking the usual route of getting into the car drop off line, I parked my car and took him by myself into the class
Introduced myself to his teacher, took him to his designated desk,completely trying to ignore the stares I am getting from other kids as they are quietly doing their coloring assignment and mine is clinging to me, asking me to stay with him.
After a few rounds of hugs, "I love you's" and "Mom, please stay with me"
I somehow make myself strong and just hand him over to the teacher and walk out of the class
Once out, I wait there for a few minutes, just to gauge the situation
And then I hear his slow crying and asking for me
And even though it breaks my heart, I wait for a few seconds and then eventually walk out of there
Once out of the school, I just looked up at the sky and prayed in my heart to help him get adjusted to the new place, environment and people.

The scene and mood while pickup was completely different. All cheerful, happy and "I had a great day" smile. Along with the promises that he won't cry the next day.


And today:


As we get out of the house, in my mind, I am planning to drop him off to his class again today, just in order to ease his transition and may be give him some time to be comfortable with the idea of drop off. But as we enter the school complex, Aayush tells me "I want you to drop me off where other kids get down"
Me, still concerned in my heart ask him "Are you sure? I can drop you to the class. I have already talked to your teacher and she said it is fine for the first few days"
And he replies, with more confidence I am expecting, "No,I'll be fine. Drop me off where other kids are getting dropped"
Me, just to reconfirm, "Are you really sure?"
To which he says "I just told you so,mom, I'll be fine" (Guess, he was REALLY sure)
So, I get into the drop off line, and then when it is his turn, get down from my car, go to his side of the door to open it (since it has a child lock, he cannot open it from inside) to get him down. Once he is out, I am waiting for himto give a hug and say good bye and all, and all he does is "Mom, Watch out !! There are other cars coming from behind!!" By the time I could react, he turns and tells the teacher in charge of receiving the kids "Aayush Jain, KinderGarten, Ms Witzgall class please"
and poof, he's gone !!

And all I can think while on my way to work from there is
"When did he grow up so much? Where's the baby boy I gave birth to?"

And as I got thinking, I realized I'll have to accept this.
A part of me want him to grow up, but a part of me (secretly) still wants him to cling to me
I still love it when he insists on sleeping on my bed and cuddles with me in sleep
A part of me still want him to ask me help him dress him, or help him with new toy.
Whereas the new independent him, is all set to explore the skies of independence and self reliance.
I guess, I just have to give in and help him his exploration

(Sigh...) Another lesson learnt in parenting :-)

Guilty, Your honor.

Dearest Aayush

Mommy is writing this post today to say sorry to you for 2 times that I made you feel bad in the last 2 days. I know I already said this word to you so many times and such a good kid that you are, you did say "It's okay Mommy, next time !!" But my own conscience is hitting me real bad, and that's why I am writing this.
The first time was when you were telling me a story about the trash trucks and you had some question about the way the truck picks up the trash. I know trucks of any type, trash truck, dumper truck, fire truck, police truck fascinate you so much. I was so busy trying to get the dinner done that I ignored your question and got irritated when you repeated the question. You got so upset by me not listening to your question that you just declared that you are never ever going to ask me anything about trucks. Trucks or no trucks, I think I need to do a better job at maintaining my balance even at the end of the day.

The second incident happened when you came back from your school today where you had a Thanksgiving feast today. When I asked you how was the party at the school, your upset reply was: "How come other parents were there and you never came to my party?" I had absolutely no reply for you. You are too young to be burdened by the complications of the responsibilities of a full time job and how sometimes mommy gets torn between the job and home. For you, Mommy and daddy also go to school, just like you.

I know beating myself over these 2 incidents won't do any good. I am just trying to tell myself again and again that you'll be okay in day or two and that I'll try to make it up to you in the coming long weekend.
But on deeper thoughts, I think that if the decision to be a working mom is mine, then I must do it in a better way and not mess up my priorities.

Just want you to know that mommy loves you a lot, much much more that I can even express to you. And I know I do tell you occasionally, you are really a very, very good and understanding kid.

Love you a lot
Mummy, and not Mommy (That's what I like to be called, my angrezi betu)

Craft for the teacher

Aayush goes to a reading class and we decided to give him a break for few weeks since he started his new school today. His teacher at the reading class, Ms Youla, has been really special and helpful for him. She has this special way of engaging little kids that the same kid who resists to even sit for a minute to do any reading/writing at home, will finish 4 assignments in a row with her, without any complaints.

So, when we told Aayush that he was not going to see his teacher for a while, he said that he wanted to make a craft for her. (He has seen crafts from other kids hanging near her table)
So I made this craft with him this evening. He was super excited for making it, so he did all the pasting, cutting, hand printing, writing and coloring on his own.
And after finishing it all, took a picture of it all by himself.

So, here's the craft he made:

Raising a bilingual kid

One of my managers never forgets to narrate this joke on every office lunches we go on:
"What do you call a person who knows multiple languages: multilingual
What do you call a person who knows 2 languages: bilingual
And what do you call a person who knows only language: American"

And given his seniority, all my colleagues, including me, are forced to fake a laughter every time.

But this post is not about an American or not, however it does have to do with the number of languages.
Before Aayush came along, the only kid I remember seeing grow up outside India was my brother in law's son. Born in India, he was there for about 2 years, where he was pretty close to his grandparents on both sides.
Then, they all moved to Canada, and slowly the kid, adapted to the new country, environment and most importantly language.
Pretty soon, the language he would interact would be English. In such a scenario, I clearly sensed the uncomfortable feeling and not so close interaction between him and his grandparents.

So, when Aayush came along, one thing I was determined to do was to make sure that he knows his language, or his "mother-father-dada-dadi-nana-nani-mama-mausi-bua" tongue.
Being the youngest kid on both sides, everybody wanted to hear him chatter and his innocent talks, and distance being already a barrier, I did not want language to be an additional barrier.

So I started interacting with him in as much as Hindi as possible at home.
Well, guess what, my only problem was that we did not have many Indian families in our neighborhood and the daycare-school he goes to had all-white population.

So I ran into situations like:
Aayush (to Andrew, on seeing his new car): mujhe bhi chalani hai yeh car !!
And Andrew looking at him questioningly as to what is he saying.

Or
Aayush (to his teacher, in the class): mere ko su su jana hai.
Obviously, teacher had no idea what he wanted and the result was a set of wet pants and very upset Aayush.

So, for a moment, I thought (and a lot of people around me also gave me this suggestion) that I should forget all this obsession about teaching him Hindi and just follow the rule "When is Rome, do as Romans do"
So, if you are in US, just let him speak Hindi.
But, as my husband says about me, if I am not convinced about something, I may act as if I am ready to do it but I just would not give it my 100% and make it work.
Hence, my obsession with Hindi was not over yet.

So, one day when I was picking up Aayush from his daycare, I had a little talk with one of his teachers and she said some thing, which just struck me. She said: "Parul, at this age, kids are like sponges. They will absorb so much that you won't believe yourself. you just have to give it some time"
And time and strategy is what I decided to give myself.
So, I picked 10-15 of the most frequently used words by Aayush and in my everyday life, whenever Aayush used that word, I took that opportunity to explain him the English as well as Hindi version of the word. And also that at home, he could use any of them, but at school, he should prefer the English ones.
So, I started with common words like milk, water, food, sleep, play, home, hot, cold.
And slowly,as he started talking more, I increased this list to include phrases and sentences.

And then our India trip happened. And that helped him so much. he heard everyone he met speaking hindi. He played all the games his mom and dad played as kids, made so many new friends in the neighborhood and on the streets, chased dogs and cows in the streets(and yes, I loved him doing it :-)
And it made him so much more fluent in Hindi.
By the time we came back here, at some time, I was starting to have concerns that now I'll have to enroll him in English speaking course, at other times, I worried myself thinking I was confusing my little kid too much in all this language

But, slowly, as his teacher had already told me so, it all started getting better. Aayush started realising the difference between words from 2 different languages and which ones to use where.

Now, I am proud to say that he is at a stage where he enjoys "A se anaar Aa se aam"
as much as "A for apple, B for Ball"

Both of these are his favorite poems:

Machli jal ki raani hai 
Jeevan uska paani hai
haath lagao darr jayegi
bahar nikalo marr jayegi

I am a little teapot, short and stout
Here's my handle and here's my spout
When I get all heated up, hear me shout
Tip me over and pour me out


Obviously, this journey of mine has had its moments too, most of them really funny.
Like the time, when he saw a girl dressed in tank top and a short skirt, like this, his first comment was:

"Mummy, yeh aunty to saare kapde hi pehnna bhool gayee !!"
(Mummy, I think this women forgot to wear all her clothes)

Now, thank god that comment as in Hindi, so the clothes forgetting babe" didn't quite get my baby had just said !!













Or the time, when he saw this women on one of the workout programs on TV,

He yelled: "Oh chori !! Gir jayegi !!" (O Girl, you'll fall)

Or the time when he tried to teach me how to say an English word here

But in the end, it has all been worth it !!
After all, I can feel it when he wants to be the first to pick up any phone from India, to greet his Babaji, Amma, Nana and Nani with a sweet namaste (obviously when he is in a mood, else we can keep asing him to talk and he just wouldn't !!)

And before I sign off, here's the latest favorite song of my lil star !! (And it is real fun to see him trying to sing along with this song)



Dil se

No Sorry, No Thank You !! Really?

Yeah, that's what Suman said to Prem in MPK

"Dosti ka ek usool hai, no sorry, no thank you!!"

Well, this rule may be applicable in friendship, but when it comes to our everyday life, we all know how a unanticipated sorry or an unexpected thank you goes a long way.

Sometimes, they make a day for some one; Sometimes, they redefine your attitude towards that person.
However, why is it that when it comes to the people who we are closest to, our spouse, our kids, our siblings, our parents -- that we tend to overlook these simple gestures?

This morning, I had to be at work at 9 sharp for an important meeting. Generally I get at work around 9:15 AM. So it was a matter of getting early 15 minutes. But, you see, my morning schedule is tied to at what time Aayush wakes up,how much tantrums he throws for brushing his teeth, how soon can he tell me what he wants for breakfast, how much time does it take for him to decide whether he wants to wear a Monkey George jacket today or an Elmo socks.

So, between all these, sqeezing 15 minutes seemed like a bit little difficult. But at the same time, I desperately wanted to show up for my meeting in time.

So, when Aayush woke up, and I had my little morning talk with him, I explained to him that Mommy had to get to work a little early today and if he could be a good boy for me today, I would be so happy.

He gave me a big grin and said: "Okay, Mommy, lets get ready fast, otherwise you'll be late!!"

And bingo, we were out of the house, all ready by 8:32 and I was at my work at 8:57 AM.And that's when in the car (luckily before I dropped him), it struck me and I turned around

(No, don't worry, I was stopping at a red light) : "Aayush, Thank you. "

He smiled and said: "Why, mommy?"

And me: "Because you were good today and you helped me get to my office in time"

I could tell from his face that he was proud and happy for his little achievement at the same time !!
This was one opportunity and fortunately I acted in time and told my son what I felt.But how many times have I thanked my husband when he (without me asking him to do so) kept my office laptop in the car in the morning before leaving for his work?

Or when he lets me sleep an extra 15 minutes on Saturday while he takes Aayush to the bathroom?

Or how many times have I thanked my sister for getting up all sleepy eyed in the middle of the night when I wanted to talk to her when it is day time for me?

or my mom for searching 10 different shops "that perfect peacock blue bangles" that matched my latest dress?
Is it that when we are too close to poeple, we take them for granted and we get so comfortable that we forget life's basic courtseys?

Or is it that open expression is not a part of our culture?

Or is it that we that these things bring a sense of formality in relations?

For me, I know I cannot say "Love you" to my spouse on phone when I am talking to him from my work(which is very common among the people here)

And I somehow do not very comfortable saying "Love you" to my mom or dad

And that's just because that's the way I grew up. I can express myself to them in hundreds other unspoken ways, but can never say this to them in words.

On the other hand, Aayush says "I love you" to me and his dad almost everyday before leaving for school, before going to bed !

Do you see the contrast here? Does that sound very unusual?
Not expressing verbally can sometimes create rifts in relationships too !! and no, I am not talking about the married relations only!!

I know of a close relative, who is not on speaking terms with my family, because he feels that we do not consider him a part of our family. This is irrespective of the fact that my parents consider him a part of the family more than a few of other relations !!

But just because this was never expressed in words, the confusion and misunderstandings have gotten so complex that it is beyond explanation now.

So, what's your expression style?

More verbal or expressive?

Do you also think we take too much liberty with the ones we are closest too?

Do you also feel that these phrases make a very close relation a little too formal?

Would love to know what you all think..

Till then, me also thinking .....
Dil se