Of half a century of togetherness

(Note: I started writing this on the actual anniversary day of my parents..when I was feeling extremely sad to be so far away from them. But I never intended to finish writing it in day or in a jiffy. A story that has spanned 50 years, I needed my time to put it on paper. The only problem was ..everytime I started writing, my eyes would be flooded and mind overwhelmed. I hope I did justice to bring out some key elements from my parents' journey together)

He was a high school dropout, pulled into the family business too soon. She was BCom Hons in Economics whose final year exams were put on hold because a suitable match was found for her. And just like that, they were married. Settled into the joint family, she soon adjusted into the new family. A pampered daughter into her own family, became the oldest daughter -in-law in the family. Time passed on, they both had kids...3 daughters and a son. They were like fire and ice, she like a fire...being a strict mom, enforcing the rules and discipline for kids. He was like ice...the cool parent for the kids, always mellow, willing to bend the way his kids wanted him to. He was the parent who would quietly sign the late homework note for kids without letting their moms know. In an era when the feminist word was not even discovered, he would be the one who would let her wife go and care for her dad and stay back to take care of his 3 kids on his own. 

But then the winds changed. Times and circumstances made them leave their hometown and move to a totally different city and kind of start from scratch. They started on a high note...Everything looked good, new town, new beginnings, closer to family. It should have been good, right? But it was the calm before the storms. Because very soon, the tsunami waves started hitting and life went upside down. All of a sudden, they very own folks they trusted, turned their backs on them, some showed their true self and few others started trying to look for every possible way to pull them down to the rock bottom. 

And life did hit the very ultimate rock bottom for not only both of them but their four kids too. Life became a daily struggle, unsure for both of them as to where to start pulling it together. All this while, their 4 kids were watching this entire life drama play almost daily in front of them and unknowingly learning some very key lessons about money, people, relationships and how everything changes with time. 

Initially, they both stumbled and kind of started losing their control on things and felt helpless. But then, she decided to keep the fear of "what would everyone say" on the side and make every effort to bring things into control. She had two big tasks in front of her - one to keep sinking ship afloat and find ways to get to the coast, and second, to pave the ways for her kids' future despite everything being turned upside down. And the biggest one was to become the backbone for that one person who was so beaten down by circumstances but never showed it at all. It wasn't a task for the faintest hearts; it was not rosy at all. It was bumpy and scary ride. But they did, fell, stumbled and then again got up. Got again beaten down, sometimes by circumstances, sometimes by people they trusted, sometimes by their own mistakes. But the only thing that kept going was all 6 of them being there for each other. Life and its ways had changes a lot in those years; Some of the normalcies became luxuries and some different things became the new normal. they say you have to hit rock bottom before you can bounce back. So life was at the lowest point but they all kept hustling and swimming.

Over the next several years, things started to return to somewhat normal because the thing called life never stops, right !! The kids grew up, got settled into their career, got married. And each one of them took their own lessons from the turbulence and its repercussions they saw on the family. But the one lesson they all took away from this whole saga was the never faltering strength and support they had for each other. 

Now, they are both at a stage of life where have the time to sit back and reflect back on how it all unfolded. In good, bad and worse times, they gave up a lot and held on to each other and came out of the storm.  Sometimes, they have their own regrets on not being able to do things for the ones they love when it was time. But then it does not stop them from going overboard now when they can.

Theirs is not the only story I have seen unfold; I saw my nana nani, my amma -babaji, my chacha-chachi..all those stories too !! But theirs was the one I grew up watching so close and being so touched by it.  

As they marked a milestone in their journey this year, all I wish for them is maximum happiness and that feeling of peace and content that they so much deserve; to have the means and time to do what they always wanted to do for each other and their loved ones; to enjoy their time with their grandkids.

Love you Maa and Papa

Happy Birthday Papa

 This blog has now become a repository of my emotions and outlets for the days and occasions that matter for me most. The month of April marks 3 main celebrations in my family: my sister's birthday, my brother's anniversary and then my dad's birthday. I wrote about my sister's birthday. And today is my dad's birthday. For my brother's anniversary, I have to find the courage to relive that day and write about it sometime.

So, my dad...my papa..my earliest memories of him is of the person who used to save us from any troubles we used to get in. My mumma was the tough parent, so he used to be the good one...the one who would sign our late homework or less grade papers secretly; get us kulfi from the roadside (mumma was strict against the roadside food) or even let us sleep till late and skip the schools on rainy days. And his mantra used to  be "Itni baarish ho rahi hai? Koi teacher nahin aayegi, koi bache nahin aayenge. Kya karoge school jakar?".

He loves to eat and make others eat, especially sweets. When we were kids, he was the one who got the first gold coins (chocolate coins), peppermint cigarettes for us !! Even now, before even I get home, he will have garma garam jalebi at home ready for me. And will keep asking mom, when is she going to make halwa for the kids. On my return, I always have a huge box of home made laddoos with me.

It breaks my heart to see him struggling with his blood sugar levels now and not able to eat the things he so used to love to eat. 

Over the last few years and especially this pandemic his health, his anxieties and his carefree spirit have taken a toll. That hearty laugh that I used to adore about him is not that hearty anymore. It is as if there are clouds of doubt, anxiousness and pain in that, words I never related to my dad, even in the worst of the times.

Sitting so far away, I try to cheer him up as best as I can. Conspire with sisters and brother to surprise him, coerce mom to cook his favorite dishes; call up neighboring uncle to see how their card games are going. 

Papa..for today and the years coming, I wish you become the version of you that you are content and happy with. You get to experience moments and relations that make you happy. And you continue spreading that to others too. Because trust me, your always smiling face and your response of "First Class" to anyone who asks how are you, is extremely infectious. 

Love you papa, and you, the one really up high there, you make sure to make things better for him, please !!

For you, dad.

NOTE: I started writing this post about 8 days ago, the day I got to know about my dad's illness and have been scared to post it. Just wasn't in the state of mind to post this or anything else.

This one is for you dad

For the past 6 days now, you have been in pain, so much pain that it has been the most difficult time for you. And it has changed you: Changed your health, your stamina, even your voice
The one person whom I never got any less than a "first class" whenever I asked "Kaise ho papa", imagine how my heart cried when I heard "Bete, bohot jyada pain hai" from the same person.
And me sitting, hundreds of miles away, couldn't do anything more than crying and praying for you.
And I cried because I could just hear your immense pain and helplessness in your voice
but I could not afford to be weak when talking to you
And I know, your health and recovery still has a long way to go
But promise me now, to be good to yourself and your health and body
and follow the diet and medicine regime strictly as directed by you doctor

and here's a song for you, which reminds me of you every time I hear it

Added today: It felt so good to hear your voice yesterday after such a long time.
Papa: Your strength is strength for all of us.

Love you, Papa

Sorry Papa, fir late ho gayee !!I know how punctual you are, mumma to aapko "Military man" kaha karti hai aapki is aadat ke liye !!Aur aap ka kehna hai " jo waqt ki kadar nahin karta, waqt uski kadar nahin karta" (Movie Waqt shtyle :-)

aur isliye shaddiyon mein hum baraat se pehle pahunch jaate they, tent walo ka saath dene ke liye :-)

Lekin seriously Papa, aapko dekhte hue jaise badi hui aapki betiyan , ab jakar samajh mein aata hai kitna kuch seekha aapse !!Jab College mein thi na, to ek baar fresher's party mein ek ladki se poocha gaya
"What's your idea of an ideal life partner?"
and her reply was "Just like my father!!"


And I remember her reply to this date।Kyonki life ke har chote chote palon mein aap kaise karte they, yeh yaad aata hai

- Kaise Ranchi mein, apni business life style mein bhi aap hamesha time nikal kar hum teeno ko routine se har sunday ko firayalal ki softy dilane lekar jaate they
- Kaise mummy se chup kar hamari report card sign kar dete they agar kisi ke number kam aate they
- school days main agar baarish ho rahi hoti to hamein uthate waqt kehte "aaj school mein to na koi teacher aayegi na koi bacha, kya karoge jaakar, so jao". Aur mummy apna sar pakad leti ki yahan to papa hi bachon ko school nahin bhejna chahte !!
- Madhu muskan aur chacha chaoudhary ki latest comics sabse pehle hamare paas hoti thi
- ‪ Movie hall mein jab ghar se sab movie dekhne jaate aur mujhe darr lagta to poore teen ghante aap mujhe lekar baahar ghoomte rehte aur mujhe cream rolls khilate
- Jab mummy ko Nanaji ko dekhne delhi aana pada, aapki choti choti betiyan aapko jaisa khana bana kar deti thi, aap use bhi chatkhare lekar khate they !! Hum teeno ne apni cooking ke saare experiments aap par kiye aur aapne saare experiments hamesha "First class" kehkar paas kiye
- Life mein kitne utaar chadhav aaye lekin koi bhi toofan aapke chehre se woh muskurahat aur aapka "First class" dialogue nahin hata paya !!
- Jis papa ko hamne bachpan mein bua ko friends ke saath movie jaane par mana karte hue dekha tha, usi papa mein itna change dekha ki woh turant apni beti ko job ke liya akele B'lore tak jaane ke liye ready ho gaye, shaadi se pehle uski pasand-napasand ka khayaal kiya !! You were way ahead of all who talk about being advanced but are not at all !!)

Thanks you Papa for giving us the confidence to be what we wanted to be, the courage to do what we wanted to do and the values to be what we are today.
Love you today and always
Mona
Dil se...