Wednesday, August 17, 2011

When did that happen?


First day at the school
He said "Mom, I am super nervous"
I say "Aayush, There's nothing to be nervous about. Agreed it's a new school, but you have a new bag, new dress, new lunch box and you'll meet so many new friends and most of them you have already played with them a few times now (Thanks to some of the playdates some of the moms organised to ease new kids in the school)"
But even as I say these things to him, I am super super nervous for him
First because as I said, it was his first day
It was a change in the schedule also
His dad was also not here (had to travel)
and then I know my son, whenever he is upset, the first reaction his body shows is to throw up everything that went down his throat.
So I had decided to be fully prepared.
Didn't force him to eat even a bite more than whatever he wanted to eat
Packed an extra set of clothes for me and him
Packed some extra towels and a water bottle, just in case

Armed with the preparation, we set off from the home
The school is just 5 minutes from the house
Once we reached there, my heart (and not the mind) decided that I need to be cool and ease him into this phase
So , rather than taking the usual route of getting into the car drop off line, I parked my car and took him by myself into the class
Introduced myself to his teacher, took him to his designated desk,completely trying to ignore the stares I am getting from other kids as they are quietly doing their coloring assignment and mine is clinging to me, asking me to stay with him.
After a few rounds of hugs, "I love you's" and "Mom, please stay with me"
I somehow make myself strong and just hand him over to the teacher and walk out of the class
Once out, I wait there for a few minutes, just to gauge the situation
And then I hear his slow crying and asking for me
And even though it breaks my heart, I wait for a few seconds and then eventually walk out of there
Once out of the school, I just looked up at the sky and prayed in my heart to help him get adjusted to the new place, environment and people.

The scene and mood while pickup was completely different. All cheerful, happy and "I had a great day" smile. Along with the promises that he won't cry the next day.

And today:

As we get out of the house, in my mind, I am planning to drop him off to his class again today, just in order to ease his transition and may be give him some time to be comfortable with the idea of drop off. But as we enter the school complex, Aayush tells me "I want you to drop me off where other kids get down"
Me, still concerned in my heart ask him "Are you sure? I can drop you to the class. I have already talked to your teacher and she said it is fine for the first few days"
And he replies, with more confidence I am expecting, "No,I'll be fine. Drop me off where other kids are getting dropped"
Me, just to reconfirm, "Are you really sure?"
To which he says "I just told you so,mom, I'll be fine" (Guess, he was REALLY sure)
So, I get into the drop off line, and then when it is his turn, get down from my car, go to his side of the door to open it (since it has a child lock, he cannot open it from inside) to get him down. Once he is out, I am waiting for himto give a hug and say good bye and all, and all he does is "Mom, Watch out !! There are other cars coming from behind!!" By the time I could react, he turns and tells the teacher in charge of receiving the kids "Aayush Jain, KinderGarten, Ms Witzgall class please"
and poof, he's gone !!

And all I can think while on my way to work from there is
"When did he grow up so much? Where's the baby boy I gave birth to?"

And as I got thinking, I realized I'll have to accept this.
A part of me want him to grow up, but a part of me (secretly) still wants him to cling to me
I still love it when he insists on sleeping on my bed and cuddles with me in sleep
A part of me still want him to ask me help him dress him, or help him with new toy.
Whereas the new independent him, is all set to explore the skies of independence and self reliance.
I guess, I just have to give in and help him his exploration

(Sigh...) Another lesson learnt in parenting :-)


Renu said...

true.when the children grow up, we dont even know:)

Reflections said...

U'll be glad of this very quality of his when ur lil one is me;-D

When is the due date????
All the Best:-))!!!!!

Dil se said...

@Renu: Yeah, very true !! It seems like just yesterday when he held my fingers and walked and looked up to me for everything.
@Nancy: You are very right. I do realize this now. My due date was Sep 21, but my li'l angel came here on 11th itself.