Baaton baaton mein

Since I don't get a chance to sit down and think straight these days, here are some random updates from my day to day life:

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Whatever happens, happens for a reason

Till some time back, I was really frustrated and disappointed in the way things around me happened. I mean, I had always heard "Good things happen with good people". Yet I saw so many instances of not so good people getting away with their purpose and meanness and the good people I so cared and worried about being left behind hurt.
But, now I am at a stage in life, where I do sit back and observe and analyse the things around me a lot.
And slowly and over time, I have started believing in the strong power and presence of Him up there. I have never been the "traditional" religious in my whole life. Take me to a temple and I won't even know how to do even one ritual properly. I believe and interact with God in my own way. Therefore, I have started realizing that He evens out the things in the long run by himself. He does look over people everywhere.
And something today that happened made that belief just stronger when he turned the course of events which nobody expected and yet it made so much sense.
Amen to that.
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Late night workout?

I have been struggling with my weight issues for the longest time that I can remember  Being a typical PCOD case, it is very difficult for me to lose weight. And now, with life and everything revolving around two kids and work, I hardly have time to sit down, forget about anything related to fitness.
Last year, when I switched to a part time work schedule, I joined a fitness club and used to go there directly after work. After a month or so, I did notice a change in my metabolism and fitness.
I was able to walk and even run for longer times.
but then, with switching back to full time schedule, all that was gone.
Recently, I got an email from the same club to join back at the same prices they offered me last time.
(Most of the clubs here need a 9 to 12 month commitment and this one was on a month to month basis)
I am so inclined to join it back. I am trying to figure out when I can go and work out.
And given my work hours, kids dinner time, and the club hours, the only feasible hours for me seem like either at 5 AM in the morning or at 9 in the evening. 5 AM in the morning may be a bit stretch given that husband leaves home early for work. I am so tempted to give 9 PM a try. Has anyone tried working out late in the evening? Does it impact your sleep schedule?

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Conversation on FB

I recently posted a picture of mine with my son on FB. And people who know me know that I rarely post my own pictures. I am not the most camera friendly person. And add to that, that my husband never remembers to take pictures of me. That fellow will take the pictures of even the smallest of ghaas-phoos around the house but not me!! and whenever I'll complain about it, he'll start his filmi dialoguebazi and self made shero-shayari.
So once I posted that picture there, it prompted comments from some of my friends circle. And we started talking about the days when 6 of us were staying in an apartment in Pune.
Yes, before I got married, I was working in Pune and 6 of us (we all met in the company only) used to share an apartment. And those were such good times. It was the first job for each of us and a new city too.
Office was just 10 mins walking distance and we were right in the middle of the most famous locations of Pune.
And once we all started talking, everyone was remembering how good those days were; life was so easy and smooth; no hassles!! It really felt good connecting to such old friends after such a long time.

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Terrible 2s

This age of kids between 18 months and 2 years is such a wonderful age. New milestone almost every day, new word as they start babbling, new shararat, new ways of getting into trouble.
Every evening, as I run from my office to daughter's day care to pick up, she makes it the best part of my day when she runs so carelessly and so happily towards me. At that moment, no chair, no toys, no balls or block sin the room  can slow her down. She'll jump into my arms and when I ask her, "How was your day"
She'll reply "Doog  (Her version of good)
And then she'll ask "Daddy? Aayush?"
I'll tell her they are at home.
As soon as I park the car in the driveway, she'll start calling for her dad
And then once her dad comes to get her from the car,
her demand would "Nice, outdoor"
(Which is her version of saying, it is nice, so let's play outside)
Her best playmate is her brother, who also rewinds down to being 2 years once she is at home.
None of his friends or their games matter once sister asks him to let her accompany him on his toy car
or when she wants to play kick ball with him.
Seeing her play so nicely, no one can even guess the kind of tantrums she throws when she doesn't get what she wants
Like when mummy refuses her for a cookie/cereal when it is dinner time
or when Aayush won't let her scribble on his school library books
or when mom won't let her take out all the clothes from the drawer 6th time again
(Have you noticed, in all this dad is never the bad cop? That is the secret of her being dad's girl)
At those time, all hell breaks loose, and all her tear glands and the voice chords in the throat support her too well.
This is, I am guessing what people say, is terrible two's.
I am really really hoping, it gets over soon.
But as one of the veteran parent at work place says (He has 3 daughters under the age of 6)
"This is just the beginning. It gets worse from here, till they reach 25." :-)

Dil dhoondhta hai fir wohi...

Some of the random things/moments from my past which I miss so much at times...

-- Mumma ke haath ka bani garma garam roti

-- Sitting in the sun and chatting with sisters while drying the just washed hair

- - Those long train journeys between Delhi and Varanasi, eating the food packed from home and chatting/playing antakshari/cards with friends

-- Receiving those impropmtu phone calls from bua/mama/nani/chachi in the pre-cell phone and pre-caller Id era.

-- Eating golgappe on the road side from a leaf bowl and having that mouth burning, lingering taste of the  paani after that

-- Bargaining with the shopkeeper over any and every thing bought

-- Annual trip to Nai Sadak to buy used books before the new session began, and enjoying kulfi falooda before catching the last bus back to home

--The smell of mehandi on my hands

-- Getting cream rolls during the interval everytime we went to watch a movie.

--Waiting impatiently for the first 2 songs on chitrahaar(Those used to be the latest songs; followed by songs from old movies)

--Waking up to Rangoli songs on Sunday mornings and ending the week with Superhit Muqabla

--Complaining to papa about having "malai"in the milk every night he got us all milk and then running to the kitchen to strain it

--Renting VCR and running to the nearest video library to grab the latest movie

--Getting the folding bed out in the backyard and all 6 of us laying the dark, electicity-less nights

--Never ending nautanki and filmi dailogue-baazi in the house with my sisters and brother

(Seriously, my brother and middle sister can enact jeetendra-Nirupa roy in such a way that you can die laughing. They are all a comical team on their own; Story for another post)

Sigh... this list can go and on because I linger on and treasure my past a lot. I remember I wrote these lines on my college diary when I got my friends to write in it before we were leaving the college:

आने वाला कल एक सपना हैं

गुज़रा कल बस अपना है

हम गुज़रे कल में रहते है

यादों के सब जुगनू जंगल में रहते है

(The future / tomorrow is a dream
The past / yesterday is just my own
I am living in the past
All the fireflies of my memories live in the jungle )

Trip to India

(NOTE: This post has been in drafts for so long. I got back about a month and a half ago. So today, it has to be posted !!)

And the India trip is officially over.

The last of the suitcases has been unpacked.
All the mithais and namkeens and laddoos and gajjaks stacked in the kitchen.
All new clothes, sarees, woollens for kids arranged in their closets
The gift jewellary, silver coins and the like sent back to safety deposit box
and we, the people back to our work/school/day care.

And what a trip it was.
I once told a colleague of mine that every time I go back to my country, I instantly start having a feeling as I never left this place; I have always lived here.
The same happened the moment I stepped out of the airport door: There is something in the aabo-hawa there; It engulfs me as if I always belonged there; never left the place.

Yet so much has changed...
Delhi and its roads have changed beyond recognition
I used to consider myself good at remembering all the roads and directions; Not any more !!

Where ever I could see, a new flyover or metro station has popped up

But lets start from the beginning
The day before our departure date, I took a day off from work since we had to drive to Chicago for the flight. And the entire packing was done in that one day itself

But then got a call from the day care saying daughter was running a little fever
I already started getting goosebumps about the journey
Got her back home, lay her down for a nap and tried to wrap up my packing, just in time before the husband and my son got back from their work and school.

And then the mad race began
   Did you pack the medicines?
   Mom, Did you pack the charger for my DS?
   Listen, did you pack my new jeans and my favorite t-shirt?

And my response to each one of them was: "I did, just don't ask me where !!"
Being a list-obsessed person, I was sure everything they asked was somewhere in one of the suitcases

The planned start time to drive shifted from 4PM to 5pm to 5:30PM and then somehow at 5:45PM, we were off on the road. The total drive time was 5 hours, which, thanks to numerous bathroom/snack/dinner/aise-hi breaks was completed in 7.5 hours.

Just in time, to get some sleep at the hotel and catch the flight next morning
So, a quick highlights of some of the updates from the trip:

a) Our inbound flight to India was pretty eventful as my daughter started running fever. However, god bless that nicest Air india's air hostess on the flight who assigned us the empty seats on the flight, checked with us after every few hours to see if we needed anything, brought us some wet towels to sponge my daughter when her fever got really high and finally also made an announcement for any doctors on the flight. At least 10 different people ranging from cancer specialist, heart surgeon to a general practioner showed up at our seat to check my daughter. All this at least helped to keep mine and my husband's BP in check while we dealt with a high-fever daughter and another flight-cranky 6 yr old

b) Once we were in India, the day started with a visit to the doctor. And the doctor that "saamne wali bhabhi" referred (It happens only in India!!)

That doctor, now he is some strange case. The first feedback that we already received from "saamne
wali bhabhi" was that he scolds the parents a lot, for just pampering the kids and not handling them properly. I got an early trailer of his ways when I started mentioning him symptoms of my daughter and I mentioned that she hasn't been drinking any milk and his immediate reply was "Doodh ka business karte ho kya? Agar
doodh nahin peeti to mat peene do!!" I was just speechless !!

c) Some of the things were pretty challenging yet interesting -- Like teaching my "amrika" born boy how to take a bath (and not shower), and that too in limited supply of hot water (and not stand under shower for endless time, re-solving Newton's equations). Seriously, when he takes long to take a shower here, that's
what I ask him if he was doing in the shower.

Or like teaching him how to clean up ain the toilet without toilet paper,

or surviving a month without pancakes for breakfast (this one he didn't even realize with all the paranthas and yummy breakfasts he had everyday)

d) Another exciting thing that happened on this trip - my little daighter of 16 months got really fascinated and interested in all things girly. Everytime, I held her, she would take off my bindi and put on her own forehead, liked to play and even try on my bangles. To top it off, when she visited her nani, she put little silver bangle on both her hands. And she has been really proud to show those off. Then her dadi got her little payals with little tinkling bells.

Which reminds me to take those payals out at least on the weekends and enjoy those cute "cham-cham" sounds.

e) Another biggest change that came out of this trip is in my son's accent. He generally speaks hindi but has a mixed accent and vocabulary of English. The whole time he was in India, he intermingled with all his cousins, made new friends at the apartment complex where my in-laws live and as a result when we came back, we
noticed that he has a typical "street' type accent and steep increase in his hindi vocabulary which is funny and sweet at the same time :-)

f) And the biggest highlight - aahhh... what more can a girl want other than some time off to go to her "mayeka" (mom's place). There were no shopping trips, mall trips or parlour trips. Just lots of one to one time with mom, dad, sisters and brother. Sure I had a sick baby clinging to me all the time and I was running to the doctors every now and then, but still this trip had such calming effect on me.

My sisters pampered day and night by doing even the smallest of things for me whether in the house or outside the house, just so that I could relax a while.My brother asked every night before coming back from work what I wanted to eat from outside. Thanks to him, I was able to enjoy my 2 most favorite things: Jalebis and Dominos pizza in India. Yes, Pizza in India is different and I liked it way much better.

And my favorite moments from my trip:


a) Watching my brother come back from his work and just lay down in my mom's lap after his dinner and all of us just chit-chatting.

b) One day, my JP mamaji(I have 4 mamaji's and their story is a topic for another blog;My JP mamaji is the youngest one) visited us at my mom's place. I was still having lunch and my daughter was clinging to me. He took her from me and said "you can have lunch while I'll entertain her in the park (we have a park just next to our house)

I was skepticle that she would just cry and wail since she was not so familiar with my Mamaji. But when I went outside after a few minutes, I saw she was carefully listening to my Mamaji and he was pointing to a street cow and explaining god-knows-what to her. I just stood in the distance for a few minutes watching them both, obviously until she saw me and then she would not stay.

c) Seeing my dad melt away at my nephew's(my brother's li'l kiddoo) tantrums and demands and mischeifs. My dad has always been a kids person, but this kid has some special magic, in his smile and a mischievious glean in his eyes.

d) Enjoying dhoop in the park with a bedsheet on the grass in the park with my sisters and mom, eating oranges and watching kids play around.

e) Anoher interesting observation from this trip - my brother loves reading, like really reading books. The way I have him imaged in my mind (still a kid), I was surprised when I saw a book shelf in his room neatly stacked with some good books. I hope he keeps up with this habit and now I know what to gift him when I am clueless.

f) Most memorable quote of the trip:

I was talking to my JP mamaji on the phone one day and we started talking somehow about how mothers show all their love and affection by giving even the smallest things to their daughters and how my mom is giving me my whole year's worth of gift quota in this trip:
And he said:

"Maa to apni beti ko aise de deti hai ki ek haath ko bhi pata na lage ki doosre ne kya diya" (A mom can give gifts to her daughter in such a way that even one hand will not know what the other hand gave)

And we were both silent for a minute after he made this comment. Reason being, my nani used to be exactly the same way. My mom was the only daughter and not a single trip to my nani's place (in the same city) used to be when she would not give something for my mom. And My Nani is no more. And this was my first trip after her death. And we both knew he was actually referring to her when he said this.

My trip to India always leave me like this.. lingering with memories and "what-ifs" and a long list to start planning for the next one..

Unaswered Questions

The questions thatI have tried to avoid even asking myself came back to me haunting in my face when my son asked me yesterday:


Mom, why did you and dad leave your home in India and come all the way so far here?

And I, for a second, stopped what I was doing, staring at him and not able to decide what to answer him.

May be we need to start preparing to provide some answers to our kids now about the decisions we took, what circumstances we took them in and what was going on then.

I promise Aayush,I'll explain you someday!!
Just not now, because I am not sure you'd understand.

The fear of change

Change, they say, is inevitable and is the way of life. It keeps the life moving.
And yes, it is also unpredictable and uncertain and brings a lot of anxiety and uncomfortable feeling to it.
And I am one of those people who is scared of change.

Yes, when I anticipate change coming my way, I feel anxious and all jittery.
And as my husband puts it, being an organized (control freak is the exact word he actually used) that I am, I just can't handle that control being taken away from my hands and just wait and watch how things/situations unroll themselves.

And, to a certain extent, yes I agree.
And the funny thing is, when this change happens all of a sudden and takes me by surprise or even when it creeps slowly into life, it is not that bothering. It makes me uneasy when I know it is going to happen.

I remember, when I expecting my second one, even though I was the one who wanted a second child so bad, but once I got pregnant, I just freaked out. My husband was working in a different city then and for something or the other, I would lose my temper with my son over something and then be stressed out the whole day that how would I handle the second child when I am having such a hard time with just one. I was so double minded on my decision on having the second child debating whether I would be a good mother or not. Not that I don't have stressed out or temper flares even now. But, overall, transition from a one kid family to 2-kid family eventually turned out to be smoother. Now looking back, I can't seem to accept that my daughter is already 14 months now. The fact that my husband's job finally brought him back to the same city, definitely helped.

Coming to the change, the next one that I have fretting over is the change of my work status.Last year, when I returned to work, I changed my work status to part time. Fortunately, my employer offered the benefit and my management was great to work with me in setting up my own schedule. Initially, as soon as I got off from work, I rushed to pick up both my kids, take them home and just get into the daily rush of making dinner, getting home work done for the older one, giving bath to the younger one and the similar tasks of the evening.
But then, I slowly changed my routine and started taking that extra hour just for myself.
Either going to the library, joined gym for a while or just go and do grocery shopping in peace without either of the kids wailing about going to the bathroom or for that fancy candy or bag of chips.

With changing to full time, this luxury hour is going to end for me and I am just trying to convince myself that it will all be okay. I can do it and hopefully, there will be something good in it.
Please say it will be, will you?

For you, with love

How do you celebrate the B'day the of your sweetest heart when it falls on a weekday and the whole week you and your partner are playing "catch me if you can" with the (older) kids activities, busy work, trainings,wrongly timed car issues and all that?

How do you wish B'day to that cutie pie who doesn't even understand that today was the day when she decided it was THE day for her to come out to this world and take matters into her own hands?

How do you explain this to the big brother who demands to have a B'day party for his li'l sister but the unsocial parents, with no family members in this "firangi land" have no one to invite to that party?

Well, you just kiss, hug the little darling and relive the moments, and celebrate the day with the people around you who matter, with the poeple who care.

And that's really what I did.

I woke up in the middle of night, 2:10 PM to be exact.
and waited for my clock to show 2:30 PM
Because that's the moment when she was born

That's the moment she said(in her own language that only I understood then)  "mom, I have had it enough inside here. I think I'll like to come out now and breathe some fresh air !!"

That's the moment my nurse yelled "She is so gorgeous and look at her hair!!"
and I just passed out out of exhaustion. I was waiting all along to find out if the Big Boss Up there got all the specifics of my request correctly or not, most importantly the gender part :-) (In all seriousness, I had even threatened my husband saying that if I have another boy, I am going to take "sanyas" and go to Himalayas)

That was the moment, when my husband's hand trembeled a bit while holding her and I saw that "smile" and the expressions on his face which I won't even try to put in words. By the way, by then, I had also excused him for showing his "Everybody loves Raymond" side by actually trying to find parking spots at the hospital on his laptop while I was screaming with labor pains.

And,exactly, after 365 days, here she was, my little bundle of joy.
I cannot believe she is already 1
I can still remember that estactic feeling I had when I held her for the first time
when I hugged her for the first time,when she curled her fingers around mine for the first time
when she smiled for the first time
I mean, it feels as if it was yesterday I brought her home
Spent hours just watching her expressions change while she slept.

And in between that,it seems the time all of a sudden just flipped over
I mean it was just recently she was trying to roll over from one side to another
and then she started crawling
and then she was holding onto walls and tables trying to stand on her little feet
and now she is already running through the house
after she gets hold of her brother's truck or homework
so,her B'day....It was a regular work-school-daycare kind of schedule
I dressed her in most favorite most pink dress of hers,  which brings out the mischeif of her eyes even more
the day began with blessings and wishes filled phone calls from grandparents from India

Today was also her second day in a new class at her daycare
and all her teachers at her daycare are so much loving and caring for her

More than me, her teacher from the infant class Ms Janel was concerned how she'd adjust with the new kids and new teacher and new environment. Everyone at daycare said Kashvi was her third leg since she'd follow her clinging to her leg everywhere

And her other teacher Ms Stacey was already missing her 'bestie'
As I entered the daycare with donuts and danish treats for all the teachers, they all gathered to take turns to hold her and hug her and put chocolate and strawberry icing on her face and nose
And she was definitely loving all the attention and loving from all the people she has gotten so used to.

And I was just standing in one corner and looking at all this,too overwhlemed with emotions and tears.
I had always missed my dear and near ones in this country,specially on occassions like these when I see my kids losing the love and pampering they could have gotten,had they been close to the family.
But that one moment made me realise that these teachers are the family my kids know for now.
And I should be happy that they are so loved and cared for by them.

That evening, her teachers Ms Janel and Ms Stacie also gifted a special album for her where they had collected so many pictures of her whil she was in their class, her little pieces of art(yes, she is great painter !! she even painted by her foot), all her major milestones, all tucked in a very cute binder for me.

I was planning for a special cake treat for her in the evening,but with the new schedule at school and everything, both the kids were so tired that they just went to bed by 7.

I guess I have seen parents make such a big deal about the first b'day of kids and when I look back, this day did not even sound like a first B'day. But the day and its memory turned out to be very special to me.
As for Kashvi, here's something I read which echo my feelings and my wishes for you on your special day:

Do you know how much you mean to me?
As you grow into what you will be.
You came from within, from just beneath my heart
it's there you'll always be though your own life will now start.
You're growing so fast it sends me awhirl,
With misty eyes I ask, Where's my little girl?
I know sometimes to you I seem harsh and so unfair,
But one day you will see, I taught you well because I care.
The next few years will so quickly fly,
With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry.
As you begin your growth to womanhood, this fact you must know,
You'll always be my source of pride, no matter where you go.
You must stand up tall and proud, within you feel no fear,
For all you dreams and goals, sit before you very near.
With god's love in your heart and the world by its tail,
You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail.
For you this poem was written, with help from above,
To tell you in a rhythm of your Mother's heartfelt Love!

Source: As I Watch You Grow, Daughter Poem
http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/as-i-watch-you-grow#ixzz27RWU76Xg

Still here - In case you were wondering

Yes, I am still here. Not on vacation, not on break;
As many of you may have already guessed, it is the kiddos .... (yeah, if anything happens or doesn't happen, blame it on the kids, that's my mantra these days)

So, wow, let's see, my last post was in March 2012. So much has happened in the last 6 months
Every time I looked at this blog or even when I was not looking at it, I had hundreds of stories and thoughts rumbling in my mind that I wanted to put on my blog.
But, then, at the end of the day, sleep always took over control and my dear laptop has been buried under layers of dust in some corner of the house.
Yeah, on several days, I do not even get a chance or the urge to even start up my laptop, thanks to my smart phone too. My phone already tells me the count of spam emails I am getting, the useless zodiac sign updates people are subscribed to on facebook and those never-ending rants AKA tweets.

But even if I had no updates on facebook or on my blog, life was still been happening and lots of things going on. For one, my little boy does not claim to be so little now. He turned 6, which according to him puts him in the league of "Big Boys". Since his B'day falls during the summer break, we decided to not do a conventional B'day party by sending an electronic invite to his school friends and anticipating how many of them will show up. But I still wanted to make the day extra special for him.

His first demand came in very un-conventional circumstances. Everyday, as we get home, I'll get my bag and other stuff from the car and he goes to check the mailbox for the incoming mails. And, now thanks to his reading skills, he can read whose name and address is on every piece of the mail. And he complains every time that how come he never gets any mail. (And I have tried to explain him every time that beta, those are BILLS and NOTICEs. You don't even realise what you are asking for !!) But anyways, this particular day, he complained as usual and then he added "and no one even bothers to send me anything even though my B'day is coming"  
So, that set the platform for the first surpise: 2 days before his B'day, he started getting mails addressed to him only. First batch was a set of loving cards from grandparents from both the sides Second batch was yet another set of B'day cards fileld with fun and balloons from cousin brothers And yet another was another set of cards from cousin sister and bua.   The  gleam in his eyes and the feeling of exhiliration he displayed for the next several days just proved that my trip to the card store and the time I spent burning the night lamp addressing, coloring and sticker-decorating the cards was all worth it !!   

Then on his night before his B'day, husband and me were awake till midnight to decorate his rooms with his memorable pictures from the previous years, put up some balloons, wrapped his gifts and filled upa big balloon with his favorite candies.This along with the icecream cake from Baskin Robbins and a golf game at Putt Putt golf was more than enough to fill his day with surprises.

 

 



 

The gleam in his eyes, the excitement in his voice and his tiring self at the end of the day just made me feel that it was all worth it and as in his own words "It was the bestest B'day ever"