Wednesday, April 23, 2014

S is for the silly and the sassy one

And also the smartest one and the most patient one !! I am talking about the youngest of my sisters.
With a name that is synonym with silver, she has the heart of gold. So much patience and balance in life, I am surprised at times.

She was the one who refused to leave mom's side when my youngest brother was born. She still insisted to  cling and sleep next to her,no matter what.Growing up in an extended family, we grew up with my cousin brothers and sisters. Whenever we had a fight about some toys, we would make 2 groups fighting with each other, but she being the youngest (at least till my brother was born) would be included in both the groups - so she had the best of both worlds.

As we grew up,she was the leanest and tallest of us all. and since she was the leanest, had the luxury of eating anything she wanted, without thinking for a second if that would impact her health(read weight) in any way. And me and my other sister would look at her with utter jealousy when she would snack on fried potatoes after coming back from school and we would "act" to be looking for something "with less fat"

Her gang of friends was also a mix of silliest ones in the whole world. Always ready to pull legs and make "bakra" of some poor soul, playing crazy pranks.
As we were growing up, my brother actually went ahead and gave her the name "Princess Maria" because according to him, in her tantrums and demands, she thought herself of no less than a princess.
As we joined college, all 3 sisters used to share our clothes with each other (we are one year apart from each other). so whenever, we had buy new clothes,me and the younger one would agree on a color or a design and then princess Maria would walk in.And in her trademark style would declare "I do not like this color/design/pattern, so I cannot wear this",leaving us confused and fuming.

Gosh, those days were so precious,never realised the value of those moments then.
Life today has taken so many turns and twists.And we are all changed in so many ways. And she had changed so much too over time. Some of the life experiences has made her stronger, more resilient. I always wished I could have shielded her from some of the unpleasant experiences in any way. But I never could.
For now,I wish that she should be done with her share of testing and difficult times by Him and the road be smooth for her, without any bumps or potholes.
Because, remember this:

Love you lots, sis :-)

Monday, April 21, 2014

R is for Room no 113

Room no 113: yes that was my room in my hostel for all 3 years that I stayed there. It was a typical girl's hostel. A "khadoos" looking warden, bechara and trying-to-look-strict type chowkidaar.
Once inside the hostel, rooms all around a central verandah, music playing in the rooms, girl's laughing and shouting in other and cooker whistling in yet another room. And girl's lingerie hanging outside on the strings tied outside each room.

And my room was on the second floor at the end of the corridor, facing the open terrace. It was also next to the common bathroom shared by 4 other rooms in the corridor. Open terrace and shared bathroom made sure I had no shortage of traffic around my room, even at midnight.

Initially, I felt stranger in my room and it seemed no less than a relative's place where I was never at ease. But then, slowly the room started to accept me and I started to find comfort in the my room. I could not wait to get back to my room at the end of the day. I even decorated it like my home. Loved my little music player with tons of audio cassettes stacked near it. Loved the little window which opened to the road that went behind the hostel. And could always spot one or more boys from the university trying to take a peek inside the room in a girl's hostel.

Whenever there was a visitor for one of the girls, the watchman used to give a call for that room from the corridors downstairs. So as soon as the visiting hours would start, girl's would anxiously wait for their room number to be called. And even though I knew I had no one who come to meet me after college, I still listened to those calls eagerly.

Ans then one day, while we were having evening tea and snacks in the dining room, I heard "Room number ek sau Terah(room number 113)". At first I ignored it thinking I was just imagining things, but then he called again and it was indeed my room he was calling. And I ran. Not to answer the call but to wash my face and change clothes. Because whoever it was, I could not just run out like that.
And when I went outside to see who it was, it was one of my seniors and one of my best friends, grinning all over and blushing.
Surprised I asked what he was doing here.
And his response:"poore teen saal me in ek baar bhi girl's hostel mein ladki ko call nahin lagayee. Aise kaise degree le leta. Socha tumse to yeh liberty let sakta hoon"
And we stood there talking endlessly for hours.

These and so many more memories I still have so vivid of my room
Room no 113.

Q is for questions I am scared to ask myself

PS: Still in make-up mode to catch up on the posts that I have missed so far.

In one of the last episodes on Grey's Anatomy (my favorite TV series), Christina Yang (again one of my favorite characters) asks these questions: "Do you know who you are? Do you know what you want? Do you know where you want to go?"

And I have asking myself the same questions ever since. But I am scared to answer those to even myself. Because the answers I would come up with are not the answers I would like for myself. And it's not because I am at an unhappy place in my life. It's just that something is missing; even I can't pinpoint on it. Just that excitement is not there. 

I am a mom and wife 24 hours, professional during work hours, home maker once I am off from work, yet there is something that's lacking. 

Do I know what I want? Can't say!! I think I have lots to be proud and content about yet I am yearning for something more. I can see the direction that life is going on yet I feel directionless at times. 

The answers to all these questions are somewhere within me. I just have to explore my own self and my priorities a little more to face the answers to these, sooner or later.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

P is for poles apart yet so similar

You two.... two pieces of my heart
Both of you are poles apart yet so similar to each other
Ones loves to dress up and get ready, the other one doesn't give a damn about the dressing up part. One loves music, other loves to dance. One loves to read, other loves to create all together new stories. One adores mommy, other is the apple of daddy's eyes.

Yet you 2 are so similar to each other. Looking at the earliest pictures of you two, no-one can tell who's who. Even when you go outside to play, you keep an eye on each other. If she falls, he'll leave  his game in between to go pick her up and check if she got hurt. If he is riding his bike too fast, she'll warn him yelling from one of the street: "Aayush, be careful!!"
You fight with each other all the time but as soon as I scold one of you, you form a joint coalition party to calm each other down.
You remind me so much of the days of my childhood and the void that I have in my life today. May you both be there for each other at every step of life, against all odds.

Friday, April 18, 2014

O is for Open mindedness

P.S: This is my make up post for yesterday when my sleep took over me and I could not blog.

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one".
- Malcolm S. Forbes

But I tend to disagree with the above quote. Because I don't think only education is the medium that opens up your mind. In my journey so far, I have seen so many highly educated people, yeh with their thoughts and thinking so limited and closed. And have also come across folks who cannot be tagged as "highly educated" and yet have changed their ways and opened their minds to newer ideas and thoughts like no one else could.

How can a father, who 
- fights with the entire army of relatives and known by, just so that his daughter can  go and work in a completely new and different city after completing her studies because thats what her education is meant for, 
- trusts her daughters and gives them the liberty to take their decisions about their jobs and career
- Gives them the freedom to travel anywhere within the city at any time of day
- Questions the practices of his own religion and shuns the one which do not make sense or do not seem practical in today's times

be not an open minded person? That too, when he has changed a new leaf from the times when he restricted his own sisters from going to movies with the family in anything other than "traditional salwar suits"?

On the other hand, consider the so called "highly educated folks" who:
- Would not let their daughter in laws go anywhere without them escorting them to the rickshaw/bus stand to "protect" them.
- Make the smallest of decision for their kids, heck even what they should want to eat (and trust me, this is absolutely true, I have personally seen this happening)
- Have double standards openly followed in the house - one for their own daughters and other for  the daughters they married their sons to.
- Blindly follow the traditions and customs of religion, without once questioning them or reasoning them.

Sorry, they may be educated officers or what not, but in my opinion, they are the most closed minded folks out there.

PS: Sorry, if the tone of my post seems like a "rant" because it actually is. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

N is for Na Jaane Kyon

Remember this song from the movie "chhoti si baat"

Na jaane kyuun, hota hai yun zindagi ke saath
Achanak yeh mann kisi ke jaane ke baad
Kare Phir uski yaad
Chhoti chhoti si baad

And isn't it so true !! We do not realise the importance of some people in our life as long as they are in front of us. We take them for granted.Only after they are gone, do we realise the void they create in our lives and we become aware of what we have lost.
But then sometimes, it may be too late to change the things back to how they were. What's gone may be gone forever.

Savour what you have in life today and do not let what you treasure get lost. sometime, it may be all you have; you just may not be realising it today.

I have lost many friends in this journey of life; some due to my own misgivings; some due to situations. Could I have done something then? May be, I don't know. But I do know that I do remember them in every small things related to them. In the virtual world of social media, I do see them everyday, but I just cannot muster up enough courage to try to create those links back. 

Cherish your today. Treasure the loved ones you have.
Kya pata, kal ho na ho!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

M is for mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall
What do you see when I stand in front of you
I'll tell you what I see when I stand in front of the mirror

I see a very tired mom who is yet to get a full night's sleep
I like to work in the late hours of night when everyone is sleep and it is so quiet.
So I end up going to bed the last. But I still haven't been able to get out of the habit of waking up in the middle of night. So I'll wake up a little after midnight, walking through the house like a zombie and checking each kid to make sure they haven't thrown away their covers or rolled off the bed. And then in the morning, I'll wake up even before my alarm rings just to get a head start on the day.

I see a very guilty mom who is trying to get a handle on the mile-long pending to-do list hanging over my head. Guilty of all the promises I have made to the kids to get so many things done but realizing soon that there are only 24 hours in the day and you can get only so much done in those 24 hours. Helping the older kid create his own email , helping him on his piano lessons, helping the younger kid make her cards for the upcoming teacher's appreciation week and so much more.

I see a very anxious person who is trying best to prioritize several things in life but somehow not everything is falling into its place.

I see a very homesick person who sometimes thinks about leaving everything and going back to where she belongs: her home with the loved ones.

It's just one of those days when we I am not liking what I see in the mirror there.
Either need to change the mirror or my own perception to look at it.
The ultimate choice is mine.