Aayush-isms

My "not so little anymore" son is at a age where he loves to talk and talk and talk and talk (you get the gist, right?)  and I often tell him "Beta, aap baatein to  bohot pyaari pyaari karte ho, lekin bohot saari karte ho "
Being a 2000 era boy, he hasn't seen the epic Sholay, so most of the time he doesn't get the humour !!
Anyways, so these days, anytime he talks, it is 50% logic (as he understands it) and other 50% is his imagination.
so, here are some of the Aayush-isms, as I say them, that I have noted:

a) We cannot move our house from current place to any other place because then Santa Clause won't know how to find him and that would be a "really big" problem. Oh wait, Santa Clause lives at the North Pole, so he can definitely see our new house from up there. So, it is now okay if we want to move to a different place (Thank you hai Santa Clause jee)

b) If it snows,mommy doesn't need to be worried or scared about driving in the snow because God will help us and save us. He knows that our car is blue and he'll help up because car is blue and snow is white. So he can see the car from up there in the sky too. He said all this to Aayush last night.  (Mommy thinks this is the effect of having a religion class at school every Wednesday)

c) So, he comes home and tells mom he did not like his lunch today so he threw it all. Helpless mom tries to explain him that by throwing food,he is wasting food and that is also wasting money.So if he wastes money, there would be no money for his toys anymore. And the reply comes "Don't worry !! I have tons of money in my piggy bank. So if you or daddy need some, let me know. and also, is it okay now if I throw away my lunch tomorrow again?" (and mom faints !!)

d) His very serious question: How come you chose daddy to get married to? Don't you have to choose someone you don't know to get married?
And my equally serious answer to him: "Actually, I did not know your daddy when I married him.I got to know him only afterthe marriage (me thinks: toooo late !!)"
To which he laughs out loud and says: "Well how could you not know daddy? You live in the same house. You pack him lunch, he brings groceries. You even have his phone number. I even saw in your "shaadi" pictures you two were laughing. So you DID know him. You are just tricking me!! Well, I am not going to get tricked by you"
And mommy decides to let him be tricked till he understands the tricky thing called marriage :-)

Well, I do need a crash course in imagination and creative thinking to keep up with my boy now.
But I am already back to basics of "aa gaba gaba" (blabbering baby talk) with my 6 months old trying her best to invent an altogether new language with her blabbers and coohs.
Every time I look at my angels and thank the one up there for blessing with these, these beautiful lines come to my mind:

Dekho inhein yeh hai onss ki boodein
Patto ki goodh mein aasamaan se khude
Angdai le phir karwat badal kar
Nazuk se moti hasde phishal kar

Yeh toh hai sardi mein Dhoop ki kirane
Uthre jo aangan ko sunehara sa karne
Maan ke andhero ko roshan sa karde
Thiturti hatheli ki rangat badal de

Jaise aankhon ki debiyan mein neediyan
Aur neediyan mein meetha sa sapna
Aur sapne mein mil jaye faristha sa koi
Jaise rango bhari peechkari
Jaise Thitliyan phoolo ki pyari
Jaise bina matlab ka pyaara rista ho koi

Dekho raaton ke sene pe yeh to
Jhil mil kisi lao se uge hain
Yeh to andiyan ke khushbo hai bhago se beh chale
Jaise kaanch mein chudi ke tukde
Jaise khile khile phoolon ke mukhde
Jaise bansi koi bajaye pedo ke taale

The pink blanket

A cute little boy once had a little pink blanket. He loved his blanket the most. He received it from the lovely nurses at the hospital where he was born and it was really a beautiful blanket, with pink flannel on one side and beautiful embroidery on the other side. He took his blanket every where, no matter what. He played with it, sat on it, slept with it, cuddled with it.


When he got upset, that's what his mom and dad used to calm and soothe him. When he started going to  day care, he used to sit in one corner with his blanket when he missed his mommy and daddy. Winter or summer, no matter what climate, he just had to have that blanket. He was so attached to it that mom had to sneak it out of his hands when he slept to wash and dry it. And because the boy was so attached to his blanket, the "pink blankie" (as the boy called it) traveled places with him; to the zoo, to the movie halls, to the malls, on car and air trips, even got to go on a "merry go round" with him.


Then days changed to weeks, weeks to months and months to years and the blanket started fading and giving up threads, started showing wear and tears and the boy started growing up. So much so, that the blanket was now short of covering him up. But still the boy was not willing to give it up. It was still the "best blanket" for him in the "whole wide world"


And then the unbelievable happened. The boy decided to part with the blanket. First he decided to share and then declared that he would give the blanket.


if you have not yet figured out, then I am talking about my own kid and his fascinating pink blanket that he loved soooooooooo much throughout. He decided to give up his valuable comfy blanket to his li'l sister since "she is so little and the blanket will keep her really warm" (his exact words).


I was touched by this gesture of his because I knew how much he loved his blanket. And I am proud of the brotherly love he already has for his sister. May this love between you two bloom throughout the life.
And let me tell you my boy, I'll make sure to tell this incident to your sister when she is grown up enough to understand and still fights with you and comes running to me complaining "aayush bhaiya mujhe kuch nahin dete hain"


Love
Aayush and Kashvi's mom

It does't get easier the second time

You think it gets easier the second time
It doesn't...take my word for it
The pain, the tears, the anxiety still remains the same
You still have that heavy feeling, that lump in the throat, those tears in the eyes when you leave
No, I am talking about something else
Leaving your kid at the day care
those mornings are the hardest
saying bye to a 2 month old baby who doesn't even realize yet that mommy is just about to leave and she'll be with the strangers for the day
And you leave heavy hearted just hoping that she'll be fine
and she won't cry and they'd take good care of her

And then those mornings when your toddler cries and yells and tells you that he doesn't like to stay at the after school care; he misses his mom over there
He has all the time to play and watch TV over there but he still loves to come back home and lay down with mommy and sister, just like he used to do before mommy went back to work.

I have been through this so much and so many times  that I am not sure I can do this any more
And that's why I am so glad December is already here
because the new year has to begin with some new decisions and new challenges and hopefully some new changes for me, my kids and my family.
Amen to that !!

Confessions of a second time mom

Yes, I am back, sort of !! Can't say completely back to my world of blogging, since my li'l one is still very little. And I have miles to go before I am done with the again-trying-to-get-used-to schedules of midnight feedings, 5 hour sleeps and "where-did-my-whole-day-go" routine.

Now, that I am in my post-preg status, for all those ever-so-optimsitic readers of my blog (who still come to my blog hoping I'd write someday), I have some confessions to make.
(Now let me warn you, these confessions may be the result of all those hormonal mish-mash going inside me, so what I confess today may not be valid let's say a month from now)


a) Surprise, surprise, surprise...I am missing being pregnant.Yes truly, really I am. Despite all those back aches, leg cramps, every damn discomfort I had which my doctors very easily termed as this-is-normal-in-this-phase, I am missing it. I am missing those kicks, that flutter, that feeling of someone being inside me and me and just me being the one having her.


b) I have days when I feel really really guilty for my older kid. All of a sudden, I have noticed a lot of changes in him, the mature way he handled the coming of a new born in the house, the way he adjusted and welcomed the baby and is willing to share everything with her and the exclusive love he feels for her.
Despite all this, on the days when I am not able to give him the attention I used to give him earlier, I feel guilty and am overwhelmed with it.

c) This pregnancy has calmed me down in ways I never thought I could be. I used to be so restless, so angry at certain things in life. But all of a sudden I have this feeling of content and peace which I may not be able to express but I just feel inside.


d) I can survive without sleep, without taking shower for 3 days in a row, survive in a milk stained t-shirt till evening but I just cannot survive without COFFEE. Since I am nursing, so I am fighting every urge I have to eat the foods that can cause discomfort to my girl and coffee being one of them. But I miss it so much; the flavor, the aroma. I have stopped passing in front of a Starbucks store, just because that pleasant aroma and the environment kills me at this time.


e) Every time the grandma (my MIL) makes a comment that my little girl looks just like her son (my husband) or her daughter (my SIL), I'll silently nod along but repeat this to myself under my breath: "Nopes, she is just me in all respect!!"

This phase, time time is precious and will never come back in my life. So I am savoring each and every moment of it. The tiredness, the fatigue, the sleeplessness: all have taken a back seat.
The only thing that is killing me in the back of my mind is how will I go back to work. But that is the matter for another post, another day. Till then, enjoy this:

So we have an Indian restaurant in our area (in fact the only One in our area) and one of the servers there is very talkative and friendly to my son. He is not so good at Hindi, still he manages to speak some hindi to the Indian customers that come there. Two days before my delivery date, my husband was there to pick up some food. That server walks to my husband and asks: "Aap doosre baap ban gaye? (Are you the second father yet?)" when he actually wanted to ask "Is your second kid already here?"
My husband was laughing so hard, he only nodded No on his question and came out.
I still tease my husband as "doosre baap"

And here she comes

The wait is over; She was due to come on Sep 21, then doctors said let's bring her on Sep 15 but then she had her own plans and she decided to drag mom to hospital on Sep 10th night and landed in mom's  and dad's arms on Sep 11.

And everytime I look at her, these lines come to my mind:



PS: One of my friends had put up this song as his status message on FB long time back when his daughter was born. I always remembered this song and hence the credit goes to him.

When did that happen?

Yesterday:


First day at the school
He said "Mom, I am super nervous"
I say "Aayush, There's nothing to be nervous about. Agreed it's a new school, but you have a new bag, new dress, new lunch box and you'll meet so many new friends and most of them you have already played with them a few times now (Thanks to some of the playdates some of the moms organised to ease new kids in the school)"
But even as I say these things to him, I am super super nervous for him
First because as I said, it was his first day
It was a change in the schedule also
His dad was also not here (had to travel)
and then I know my son, whenever he is upset, the first reaction his body shows is to throw up everything that went down his throat.
So I had decided to be fully prepared.
Didn't force him to eat even a bite more than whatever he wanted to eat
Packed an extra set of clothes for me and him
Packed some extra towels and a water bottle, just in case

Armed with the preparation, we set off from the home
The school is just 5 minutes from the house
Once we reached there, my heart (and not the mind) decided that I need to be cool and ease him into this phase
So , rather than taking the usual route of getting into the car drop off line, I parked my car and took him by myself into the class
Introduced myself to his teacher, took him to his designated desk,completely trying to ignore the stares I am getting from other kids as they are quietly doing their coloring assignment and mine is clinging to me, asking me to stay with him.
After a few rounds of hugs, "I love you's" and "Mom, please stay with me"
I somehow make myself strong and just hand him over to the teacher and walk out of the class
Once out, I wait there for a few minutes, just to gauge the situation
And then I hear his slow crying and asking for me
And even though it breaks my heart, I wait for a few seconds and then eventually walk out of there
Once out of the school, I just looked up at the sky and prayed in my heart to help him get adjusted to the new place, environment and people.

The scene and mood while pickup was completely different. All cheerful, happy and "I had a great day" smile. Along with the promises that he won't cry the next day.


And today:


As we get out of the house, in my mind, I am planning to drop him off to his class again today, just in order to ease his transition and may be give him some time to be comfortable with the idea of drop off. But as we enter the school complex, Aayush tells me "I want you to drop me off where other kids get down"
Me, still concerned in my heart ask him "Are you sure? I can drop you to the class. I have already talked to your teacher and she said it is fine for the first few days"
And he replies, with more confidence I am expecting, "No,I'll be fine. Drop me off where other kids are getting dropped"
Me, just to reconfirm, "Are you really sure?"
To which he says "I just told you so,mom, I'll be fine" (Guess, he was REALLY sure)
So, I get into the drop off line, and then when it is his turn, get down from my car, go to his side of the door to open it (since it has a child lock, he cannot open it from inside) to get him down. Once he is out, I am waiting for himto give a hug and say good bye and all, and all he does is "Mom, Watch out !! There are other cars coming from behind!!" By the time I could react, he turns and tells the teacher in charge of receiving the kids "Aayush Jain, KinderGarten, Ms Witzgall class please"
and poof, he's gone !!

And all I can think while on my way to work from there is
"When did he grow up so much? Where's the baby boy I gave birth to?"

And as I got thinking, I realized I'll have to accept this.
A part of me want him to grow up, but a part of me (secretly) still wants him to cling to me
I still love it when he insists on sleeping on my bed and cuddles with me in sleep
A part of me still want him to ask me help him dress him, or help him with new toy.
Whereas the new independent him, is all set to explore the skies of independence and self reliance.
I guess, I just have to give in and help him his exploration

(Sigh...) Another lesson learnt in parenting :-)

THE PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE

I read about this questionnaire on Shobha De's blog and liked the questions, so decided to go ahead and put my responses to those.

What is your idea of happiness?
Doing what I like to do at that particular moment. It can be as simple as humming a melodeous song, playing with a kid, just sitting and watching a sunset or just being alone by myself, doing nothing.

What is your greatest fear?
Of losing the ones I love the most.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Am not a history buff, so very hard for me to say that.
But genetically, I have lots of traits from my mom, dad, my nani, my dadi and one of my bua too !!

Which living person do you most admire?
A lot of people; but in general anyone who is positive, has a good sense of humour and one I can relate to.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My temper. I have no control over it and often regret when I lose it.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Selfishness, double standards, not keeping their word.

What is your greatest extravagance?
It has changed over the years. At one point of time, I was obsessed with greeting cards. I could not get out of a gift shop without buying a greeting card with nice wordings on it (Didn't matter that there was no forthcoming occassion to give it to anyone)

Then I moved to audio cassettes. I absolutely had to add a new audio cassette to my collection almost every week.

Then I moved to lipsticks, give me any shade !
Now it is accessories. I love to indulge in bracelets, earrings, necklaces, toerings, anything.

What is your favourite journey?
There was this one trip I took with just my sisters and brother, from delhi to Hissar once several years back. I had come back from US and we had to go there for my cousins marriage. My parents had already gone there a day before and they arranged a car for all of us to get there. I can still remember and miss every moment of that trip.

Other than that, I enjoy my frequent trips to my memory lane.
I go back there pretty often.

Who is your favourite painter?
I am not so much into paintings, so I don't have any favorites there.
I am more into music and RDB/Gulzar is my  absolute favorite.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Being frank and direct. I have seen the people fire out worst of things on the pretext "I am very frank and direct. I do not keep anything inside me"
Well, I think they should !!


On what occasion do you lie?
When the truth is so harsh that it will break a heart or a relation.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
Let's say it this way: I wish I was a bit taller.

Which living person do you most despise?
If you ask "most", there is one person and I would name that person on this platform.

What is your greatest regret?
Expressing my feelings in words for some when I shouldn't have
Never expressing my feelings in words for some when I should have.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My God, my family and my beliefs, in that order.

When and where were you happiest?
There is a part of my life I spent in Varanasi; that truly was the happiest phase of my life.

What is your present state of mind?
Very restless and confused and scared and anxious. Well, what else do you expect from a almost 32 week preggers :-)

How would you like to die?
I am very scared of death. So I can never plan how I'd like to die.
May be these lines can tell something:

"jab hum naa honge, jab humaaree khaank pe tum rukoge chalte chlate

ashkon se bheegee chaandanee mein yek sadaa see suno ge chalte chalte

wahee pe kahee hum tum se milenge, ban ke kalee, ban ke saba, baage wafa mein !!"

What is your favourite motto?
Live for the moment, because once gone, it will never be the same.

I enjoyed going through these questions as I searched within myself for the answers. If you find it interesting, go ahead and take it up too. Would love to read through your answers too !!