Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Guilty, Your honor.

Dearest Aayush

Mommy is writing this post today to say sorry to you for 2 times that I made you feel bad in the last 2 days. I know I already said this word to you so many times and such a good kid that you are, you did say "It's okay Mommy, next time !!" But my own conscience is hitting me real bad, and that's why I am writing this.
The first time was when you were telling me a story about the trash trucks and you had some question about the way the truck picks up the trash. I know trucks of any type, trash truck, dumper truck, fire truck, police truck fascinate you so much. I was so busy trying to get the dinner done that I ignored your question and got irritated when you repeated the question. You got so upset by me not listening to your question that you just declared that you are never ever going to ask me anything about trucks. Trucks or no trucks, I think I need to do a better job at maintaining my balance even at the end of the day.

The second incident happened when you came back from your school today where you had a Thanksgiving feast today. When I asked you how was the party at the school, your upset reply was: "How come other parents were there and you never came to my party?" I had absolutely no reply for you. You are too young to be burdened by the complications of the responsibilities of a full time job and how sometimes mommy gets torn between the job and home. For you, Mommy and daddy also go to school, just like you.

I know beating myself over these 2 incidents won't do any good. I am just trying to tell myself again and again that you'll be okay in day or two and that I'll try to make it up to you in the coming long weekend.
But on deeper thoughts, I think that if the decision to be a working mom is mine, then I must do it in a better way and not mess up my priorities.

Just want you to know that mommy loves you a lot, much much more that I can even express to you. And I know I do tell you occasionally, you are really a very, very good and understanding kid.

Love you a lot
Mummy, and not Mommy (That's what I like to be called, my angrezi betu)


bhagyareema said...

Touched me. There are so many times that I lose my temper with My son and later regret. His hurt look remains with me for days

Kanupriya said...

Ayush will understand for sure as he knows that his mom is genuinely trying to balance all things at one go. I am a child of a working mom and trust me beyond initial few years of complaints abt why u didn't come to our annual function, we understood how difficult life our mom was living. Not only did we understand but till date we appreciate the sincerity with which she brought us up despite a full time job and not to forget the whole household chores. So, as Ayush will grow up, he will understand your thoughts more :) and ya do let him read these letters once he grows up.

Crafty Shines said...

Aww, this leter will be so precious to him when he is able to read and understand...

Mom (or Mummys :D) always do their best... always! And kids, although will not admit it openly, know it!

:D ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))

When my mother would get upset with me, that night, I'd find a favourite dish cooked for dinner! Or a mug of hot chocolate before bed :D

Crafty Shines said...

good grief!! my first visit, and that comment has posted itself like 3 times!

Sowwie!! will u pliss delete the recurring culprits?


vimmuuu said...

Sob Sob ! I feel so bad for the kid !!! Sob Sob !! How could you do this to him ??? :D :D :D :D

Cmon, dont feel bad. All mommys are like this. You know what my mom used to do after scolding or hitting me...she cooks my fav meal ! :D :D :D

Now stop punishing yourself. He is your kid and you have every right on him ! :D

Haddock said...

As long as we realise our mistakes, there is always scope for improvement.

Smitha said...

Awww! Don't be so hard on yourself!

We are all human, after all :) And I am sure Aayush will know how much you love him, even if you do get angry with him :)

Dil se said...

@Bhagyareema: Thanks for dropping by. I know what you are saying and I guess it is the way God made mothers.
@Kanu: your comment made me feel so better. My mom was a home maker, so this guilt of not being with my son kills me so many time. But it is amazing to see how at such a young age, most of the time he understands.
@Crafty: Thanks for dropping by and yes, I'll make him read this letter when he grows up

Dil se said...

@Crafty: Also took care of your recurring comments :-)
@vimmmuuu: I had to know this, something of this kind coming from you :-)
Ohh.. your mom cooked your fav food after scolding you? That's so cute. I bet once you realized that, you found ways to be scolded by her, isn't it?
@Haddock: Welcome to the blog. You are very right, selfd realization is the first step to improve.

Dil se said...

@Smitha: Thanks. Yeah, you are right, he does realize it and that's what it all matters.