Friday, November 19, 2010

Just say it

It is the smallest yet the most difficult word to say to someone. Specially then the other person sets some expectations from you.

"NO"

that's the word I am talking about.
I have always stuggled with saying a flat "NO" to someone when some asks/expects me to do something.And more often than not, I land myself in situations where I have to go beyond my capacity to fulfill that "Yes" that I forced on myself.

I remember, when I was ready to leave after my final year in degree, one of my very close friends wrote this for me in my diary
"Do you need to change? Thoda thoda Yes and thoda thoda No: No because you already so good and Yes - because it a jungle out there. It has been quite a smooth ride till now. Do you think it is going to remain like that in the industry also? No. And that is what you also need to learn to say"

My hesitation to say No has caught up with me several times in my personal life as well as professional life. Whenever I find myself stuck in sticky situation brought upon myself by not saying a NO to other person, I always remembered these lines and tried to remind myself that I do need to change.

The kind of work environment and responsibilities I am in now, demand this skill from me more than ever.
And over the years, I have learned to say this word. Having a 4yr old at home has definitely helped me practise it all the more.
Here are some of the rules I follow (and interestingly, I have seen these rules applied in both my personal life as well as professional life)
a) Say it and mean it, really. Look at the person straight in the eye when you refuse for something. Trying to look other ways just gives an impression to the other person that you are not serious or just making excuses.
b) Offer alternatives and be willing to come to a mid point compromise which would be acceptable to both , so that the other person feels that you do care.
c) And the most important, despite having a difference of priorities and opinions, be humble. It shows, in your tone, your body language and your expressions.

So, how to do do it when you have to say NO to someone? Does it come to you naturally or you also struggle with it, like me?

3 comments:

MindfulMeanderer said...

its tough for me too. I've gotten into really sticky situations when i said yes when i wanted to say no..

vimmuuu said...

Oh, I had a post planned on this. same here, its very difficult to say NO. over the years, thanks to my professional life, I have learned this a lill bit now. But you know what, whenever I say NO, I have noticed that I sleep well that night ! :D :D :D

Dil se said...

@Shruti: I know !! Been there so many times, but now learning.
@Vimmmuuu: Welcome back after such a long break. Great that our blogging ideas are running so parallel (first the interview idea and now this)
Will definitely love to read about your point of view and learning on this.