Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The fear of change

Change, they say, is inevitable and is the way of life. It keeps the life moving.
And yes, it is also unpredictable and uncertain and brings a lot of anxiety and uncomfortable feeling to it.
And I am one of those people who is scared of change.

Yes, when I anticipate change coming my way, I feel anxious and all jittery.
And as my husband puts it, being an organized (control freak is the exact word he actually used) that I am, I just can't handle that control being taken away from my hands and just wait and watch how things/situations unroll themselves.

And, to a certain extent, yes I agree.
And the funny thing is, when this change happens all of a sudden and takes me by surprise or even when it creeps slowly into life, it is not that bothering. It makes me uneasy when I know it is going to happen.

I remember, when I expecting my second one, even though I was the one who wanted a second child so bad, but once I got pregnant, I just freaked out. My husband was working in a different city then and for something or the other, I would lose my temper with my son over something and then be stressed out the whole day that how would I handle the second child when I am having such a hard time with just one. I was so double minded on my decision on having the second child debating whether I would be a good mother or not. Not that I don't have stressed out or temper flares even now. But, overall, transition from a one kid family to 2-kid family eventually turned out to be smoother. Now looking back, I can't seem to accept that my daughter is already 14 months now. The fact that my husband's job finally brought him back to the same city, definitely helped.

Coming to the change, the next one that I have fretting over is the change of my work status.Last year, when I returned to work, I changed my work status to part time. Fortunately, my employer offered the benefit and my management was great to work with me in setting up my own schedule. Initially, as soon as I got off from work, I rushed to pick up both my kids, take them home and just get into the daily rush of making dinner, getting home work done for the older one, giving bath to the younger one and the similar tasks of the evening.
But then, I slowly changed my routine and started taking that extra hour just for myself.
Either going to the library, joined gym for a while or just go and do grocery shopping in peace without either of the kids wailing about going to the bathroom or for that fancy candy or bag of chips.

With changing to full time, this luxury hour is going to end for me and I am just trying to convince myself that it will all be okay. I can do it and hopefully, there will be something good in it.
Please say it will be, will you?


Smita said...

Of course there is something good in it :) u just need to have faith and everything qill turn up JUST fine my dear :)

Dil se said...

@Smita: Thanks so much dear. Your words mean so much. I hopeit all turns out fine :-)

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