Tuesday, January 26, 2010

No Sorry, No Thank You !! Really?

Yeah, that's what Suman said to Prem in MPK
"Dosti ka ek usool hai, no sorry, no thank you!!"

Well, this rule may be applicable in friendship, but when it comes to our everyday life, we all know how a unanticipated sorry or an unexpected thank you goes a long way.
Sometimes, they make a day for some one; Sometimes, they redefine your attitude towards that person.
However, why is it that when it comes to the people who we are closest to, our spouse, our kids, our siblings, our parents -- that we tend to overlook these simple gestures?
This morning, I had to be at work at 9 sharp for an important meeting. Generally I get at work around 9:15 AM. So it was a matter of getting early 15 minutes. But, you see, my morning schedule is tied to at what time Aayush wakes up,how much tantrums he throws for brushing his teeth, how soon can he tell me what he wants for breakfast, how much time does it take for him to decide whether he wants to wear a Monkey George jacket today or an Elmo socks.
So, between all these, sqeezing 15 minutes seemed like a bit little difficult. But at the same time, I desperately wanted to show up for my meeting in time.
So, when Aayush woke up, and I had my little morning talk with him, I explained to him that Mommy had to get to work a little early today and if he could be a good boy for me today, I would be so happy.
He gave me a big grin and said: "Okay, Mommy, lets get ready fast, otherwise you'll be late!!"
And bingo, we were out of the house, all ready by 8:32 and I was at my work at 8:57 AM.And that's when in the car (luckily before I dropped him), it struck me and I turned around
(No, don't worry, I was stopping at a red light) : "Aayush, Thank you. "
He smiled and said: "Why, mommy?"
And me: "Because you were good today and you helped me get to my office in time"
I could tell from his face that he was proud and happy for his little achievement at the same time !!
This was one opportunity and fortunately I acted in time and told my son what I felt.But how many times have I thanked my husband when he (without me asking him to do so) kept my office laptop in the car in the morning before leaving for his work?
Or when he lets me sleep an extra 15 minutes on Saturday while he takes Aayush to the bathroom?
Or how many times have I thanked my sister for getting up all sleepy eyed in the middle of the night when I wanted to talk to her when it is day time for me?
or my mom for searching 10 different shops "that perfect peacock blue bangles" that matched my latest dress?
Is it that when we are too close to poeple, we take them for granted and we get so comfortable that we forget life's basic courtseys?
Or is it that open expression is not a part of our culture?
Or is it that we that these things bring a sense of formality in relations?
For me, I know I cannot say "Love you" to my spouse on phone when I am talking to him from my work(which is very common among the people here)
And I somehow do not very comfortable saying "Love you" to my mom or dad
And that's just because that's the way I grew up. I can express myself to them in hundreds other unspoken ways, but can never say this to them in words.
On the other hand, Aayush says "I love you" to me and his dad almost everyday before leaving for school, before going to bed !
Do you see the contrast here? Does that sound very unusual?
Not expressing verbally can sometimes create rifts in relationships too !! and no, I am not talking about the married relations only!!
I know of a close relative, who is not on speaking terms with my family, because he feels that we do not consider him a part of our family. This is irrespective of the fact that my parents consider him a part of the family more than a few of other relations !!
But just because this was never expressed in words, the confusion and misunderstandings have gotten so complex that it is beyond explanation now.

So, what's your expression style?
More verbal or expressive?
Do you also think we take too much liberty with the ones we are closest too?
Do you also feel that these phrases make a very close relation a little too formal?
Would love to know what you all think..
Till then, me also thinking .....
Dil se


Antarman said...

Is it that when we are too close to poeple, we take them for granted and we get so comfortable that we forget life's basic courtseys..its so true..sometimes a little bit of expression can make our lives so beautiful..when we dont hesitate in venting our anger frustration, why be shy in expressing positive feelings.

Sara said...

Actions speak more than words in day-to-day life.What you do for people directly shows how much you care for them.In case of kids, of course,I believe in the thank-you and I-love-you, but adults need not be told how much we treasure them!

Reflections said...

I myself am not the hugging-kissing types...in fact not even with my kids...thts not to say I never hug or kiss them, I do but I'm just not so comfortable with it.

But I'm always encouraging with words. Sometimes a simple sorry or 'thank U' or a 'I love U' or 'u look so good' makes a lot of difference. We may not realise it but the person receiving it cherishes it.
Take the example of us bloggers...
a simple comment fom somebody we dont know cheers us up so much, doesnt it:-).
Once in a while when the husband is going down the stairs[to work] I blow him a kiss and say dramatically "Wow u r looking good". I get to see an embarrased but very pleased expression on his face;-D
Its only after I had my kids I started telling my mom tht I love her....and u knw wht, recently she has started telling me too. I know she loves me but the warm feeling which engulfs me when she says it vocally is something else:-)

This is a wonderful post Dil Se...we all know these things but sometimes seeing it written in words makes us more consicious and make tht extra effort to make our world more happier. Thank U:-))!!!!!

Dil se said...

@antarman: Very true !! And sometimes, a little bit of expression goes a long way in rewdefining your relations

@Sara: My opinions are a bit different on this issue. You are right that "Actions speak more than words in day-to-day life". But even in day to day life, a lot of times, we all need a gentle reminder that someone appreciates our concern/actions through words.

@Reflections:Very right, the person at the receiving end cherishes it !! For me , I know, sometimes, that simple "you look good" or "thank you" makes the whole day for me. Thank you for your appreciation and kind words.